So... I'm sitting here in my bed, because I can't sleep. Been up since 3:17am (I started this Monday morning). I've been SUPER lazy this entire weekend. Haven't left the house since Christmas Day. *smh* Actually wanted to go shopping, just never actually seemed to get motivated to go do it. Since I'm laying here, quite bored--but unable to go back to sleep... I figured I'd try to blog. I actually chuckled a bit at the # of draft blogs I have that I never finished. This is kind of sad, considering how much I actually DO like to write. *sigh* Ah well... at least I'm here. =o)
Christmas was nice. I got to spoil the fam a bit. I said last year that I was going to stop playing Santa for folks who should be playing Santa, themselves... but once again, I did it anyway. I just refuse to let my nieces/ great nephew- go without. I realize that folks are strugglin' - but EVERY year... it seems to be the same ol' song & dance, whether complete with a story or not... my parents & I are always the ones "making it happen." And that's irregardless of whether WE'RE strugglin' or not. And not just at Christmas... I'm talking year round. I'm a giver. It's both my upswing & my downfall. However, I just don't get this isht. I'm soooo blessed that I grew up w/ the parents I have. Parents that would have done WHATEVER it took to keep me fed, safe & with the basic necessities. I seriously can't be thankful enough. And I remind them of this every chance I get. I put my nieces/nephew before me... I'm just wondering when their parents are going to follow suit. I'll post more on this on the private blog. Or maybe I won't. I don't know... we'll see. This stuff stirs up all kinds of emotions.
Speaking of parents... my Dad 's health hasn't been the greatest - for a minute. He suffers from PTSD and it's gradually getting worse. I've been stressing about this for close to (6) months. After losing (2) uncles this year... it's been a little unsettling in my mind. The last (3) months especially. While I had been trying to convince myself that I was not gonna stress about it (by not talking about it)... a trip to the doctor last month - a few weeks after returning from ATL for my bday - proved otherwise. I initially went in - due to severly low energy & excessive sleeping/being lethargic. Low & behold... My blood pressure was high, again. My BP is only high when I'm beyond stressed. *sigh* I sadly had no clue that I wasn't doing a good job of masking it - to myself. lol. Cause I can do a good job of masking it to everyone else. I do, however, thank God for my girls, Elle/Paige. They're about the only ones I had/have actually been discussing it with (outside of my male BFF). Albeit in small doses of moderation & even that's hard for me to do. Most times, anyway. Still I'm thankful for their ears, open arms & soothing/calming words.
Anyhoo... what else is new? Layoffs! Haven't been laid off, yet... but it's supposed to be coming. Most likely next month. When we rolled up under our parent company... the work we do--they have outsourced, so... the need for our dept. is - well... not needed. And while I'll tell you that I'm seriously not trying to stress about this at all... I'll be honest when I say that there are days when I'm not having the best of luck at this. lol... But if there's one thing I've definitely learned about myself, it's IN the valley's that I grow. I'm using this valley to boost me to the next level. =o) And who knows where that will take me. I'm definitely exploring the option of just going back to school full-time. (Thx for the encouragement, Lisa!)
Never the less... Good things are planned going forward. =o) Not waiting until 2010 to start. I started in 09. Why put off until the new year what you can do today? lol. One thing I actually did learn is how to stop letting folks run over/ mistreat me. I had completely had it with being the bigger person re: foolishness with friends - shortly before my birthday. On this one, I must say... I've held my ground & haven't thought twice about looking back. It's interesting that people I never expected to approach me/reach out to me, have done just the opposite, this year. I seriously had clowned someone in a way I held off doing for madd years, last month. And surprisingly, even this individual has reached out unexpectedly. Considering I was FAR from being even remotely in the ballpark of nice to this person & even gave her the website to Cigna to look for a psychologist in her area, that mess was BEYOND a surprise. So would it be odd to accept a dinner invite @ the crib next week when I'm in town? Wowzers! I'm just no longer apologizing for stuff that isn't my fault. For what? So people can sock it to you again & still not apologize? No thanks. Off that ship. Especially when I've got plenty else on my plate to consume my energy. However, if I come up missing next week... Cigna.com did it! lol...
And speaking of energy... why did my doc figure out that my Vitamin D levels were/are extremely low?! I had to have all kinds of test ran on me to figure out exactly why I did have zero(not low, but none) energy/excessive sleep. I'm currently on a prescription of 57,000 IU's a week of Vitamin D.
There are good things going on, tho. I joined a bootcamp, back when I was trying to figure out a way to boost my energy level. Thought I was gonna fall out after the first class. Goodness, these folks work your tail! When I tell you I couldn't even lift the towel above my head for stretches at the end of the class & thought I was going to vomit, I'm being gracious. I had somewhere to go right after the class & parked in the handicap spot. lol... I'm sooo much better at it, now. This has been my 1st month. This is my last week of my 1st month and I love it! Going to at least do another month of it, possibly two. I'm getting a new car - YAAAASSS! I'd tell you what it is, but that will have to wait until the keys are in my hand. =o) It will be brand spankin' new, though! OWWWWW! The guy I had previously been seeing and deemed "the one" & I are back on speaking terms. *smdh* (That's ALL I'm going to say on that one). I'm going to TX in Jan & Feb and DC in March. And that freakin' Burger King - Cupcake Shake is giving me life!! And I don't even like ice cream! Btw... this chick on Good Morning America's off-white wool coat is the freakin' BOMB! I need it in my life.
Oh and lastly, my niece actually participated in the Jack & Jill - 2009 Beautillion (pics on FB). Goodness... I was smiles from ear to ear. She looked beautiful! Love her! Despite the initial shock of the cost of this thing... it was fabulous. I did, however, return that $70 bra like I said I was going to do. Only to have to pay an additional $450 for alterations, the addition of the capped sleeves, her hair & tixs to the event. *blank stare* It was beyond worth it for her, though. Only to be handed the papers to the Debutante Ball (this weekend)- to be hosted by the Owl's Club... and to see it'll be $325 for her & her escorts dinner. $165.00 dinner, people? GTFOH! Wasn't even that much for Jack & Jill's dinner! Lucky she'll be wearing the same dress, otherwise that mess would be a wrap! I can tell you I don't get out as much as I need to, anymore... because they did a line stroll in to Michael Jackson's - 'Rock with You' and... my tail was ready to hop up outta that seat, find my own Beau & get it crackin'! *smh* Then... the dude I used to date showed up w/ his girl & I was making sure I was seen. Don't ask why. I haven't figured that isht out yet, myself. I don't want him. (Although he is a lawyer & did look cute in his tux)... but, I was adding all kinds of extra switches in my step. TRUST, I was lookin' dayum flyy. The girl at the MAC store (Megan)... hooked my isht up for *drumroll please...* $14.00! I went in for some eyelashes/eyes done... chick did my dayum face. If ever there was a day that you couldn't tell me I wasn't fine (which is ANY time I get eyelashes on, btw)... THAT day/night was IT! lol... But, I seriously had to laugh at myself when I thought about that mess. It was sooo unnecessary. lol...
Btw... life is good, even when it's stressful. I'm learning to make the best of the situation. I relish in the fact that although my dad's health is deteriorating... I still have him here & more memories to create & indulge in. Although layoffs are imminent... that some endings are the beginnings I've been longing for. =o) Although my energy level was low & my sleep level was high, I know what was/is causing it & I love that it can be fixed and I gained my workout mojo back. I love that I can admit when I'm wrong & that when I'm right, it's okay to stand my ground. I'll always be grateful for great friendships... & even rekindling old ones, when warranted. And lastly, I'm grateful that the Most High has continuously blessed me with the ability to be a blessing in others lives. Sometimes I may hate that I'm so giving, but I still know that it is better to give than to recieve; for the greater the giving, the greater the living.
Be blessed,
~BK
