Conversation Piece...

So... I was having a conversation last week.
It started:

Me: So... has homeboy been by to see you, yet?
Her: Nope.
Me: *smh*
Her: But that's okay... I'm not going to let him bring me down.
Me: That's good. (although I know her well enough to not fall for this line, especially behind THIS negro)
Her: He's been hanging out w/ "Pete". (not his real name)
Me: Who's Pete?
Her: "LeAnn's" husband. (not her real name)
Me: Oh. What do you think of him?
Her: He's alright, I guess. They (LeAnn & her new hubby) fight a lot.
Me: Word?
Her: Yeah. She just met him for the first time on a co-habitant level when he got out of jail?
Me: *I perk up and say...* WHAT?!
Her: Yeah. She met & married him while he was in jail. He's her friend's brother & she introduced them to each other while he was in jail.
Me: I gotta hang up... I've REALLY got to hang up this phone. Are you effin' kiddin' me?
Her: Nope. He got out of jail a few weeks ago & moved in w/ her. Her mother doesn't even know all of this.
Me: Wow! I have NO words.
Me: So... she moved into those apartments on "blank" street?
Her: No. She now has a house. It's a section-8 house. She just got it.
Me: Huh? How do you have a decent job & still qualify for section-8?
Her: I don't know. She said she's been on section-8 for (7) years now.
Me: *smh* I'm SOOOO lost right now w/ the foolywang-ness of this story.

Surprisingly, I went to school with this chick. Couldn't tell her she wasn't the *ish in high school. She used to think that she was better than me because she was light skinned. *blank stare* We were the only two blacks on the cheerleading squad. I was captain & she only made the squad because we selected her after someone else had to quit because her parent's were moving to AZ.

Anyhoo... I was dumbfounded at the whole conversation. My parents were like... WHAT?! - when I told them the story, too. My dad, not as much as my mother & I. He was just like... that's what low self esteem will do to a person. When you get in the thinking that somehow... you don't deserve better. My first question to self was: How do you just bring some random man around your kids like that? Not my problem, I guess. But the *ish still baffels me. Plus... (7) years on section-8? I'm not opposed to folks getting assistance, but isn't the purpose just to help you get on your feet? Since when do you make it a lifetime option?

My niece & her daughter are on the same cheerleading squad. So when I ran into her earlier this year, she said to me... "You know I'm married now, right?" Me, um... no. Her... "Yeah. I married me a criminal!" I said, "come again?" She repeated, "Yeah. I married me a criminal." I had no response. Cause in my head I'm thinking... "I wouldn't share that piece of information w/ ANYBODY, willingly. You'd have to come up on that piece of information some other way, if that was the road I took." *sigh* She's not my girl like that, but I do have to wonder, how do you NOT want better for yourself?


Another conversation on Friday night:
(a different person) - based upon a convo she had w/ her ex...


Her: He told me, "I don't know who told you that you weren't worth anything, but that *ish was fukked up!"
Me: Huh?
Her: Because I have low self esteem.
Me: Girl... you do NOT have low self esteem.
Her: Oh but I do.
Me: I don't see it. Low self esteem will get your azz run over by someone. You, don't have low self esteem. Cause you won't let that happen. Maybe 10 years ago... but now... negative. I think you let people intimidate you at times when you allow people to make you feel less than in the business sense. But a man... nope.
Her: I guess you're right. But sometimes I say things to "blank" just to try to make him feel bad when he's hurt my feelings... but it doesn't work.
Me: And you've been doing this for how long? How many years?
Her: Oh... say, 15 years.
Me: And it's worked how many times?
Her: None.
Me: You know, crazy is: doing the same thing over & over again, expecting to get a different result. (she actually finished that sentence w/ me - simultaneously)
Her: He said he couldn't have married me, because my lack of confidence would have driven me crazy. Hence the reason he said, "I don't know who told you you weren't worth anything, but that *ish was fukked up."
Me: No man wants an insecure azz female. That *ish is not a becoming trait. People are naturally attracted to people who exude confidence. I can tell you for a fact that I can't kick it w/ any insecure azz man. That *ish is NOT going down. It's not even attractive.
Her: I know. That's what he said, too.
Me: But let me just share with you all the reasons I think you're beyond the bomb & phenomenal... (I shared my list of things w/ her & why she's such a blessing to me...)
Her: Thank you. You are always soooo sweet.
Me: Uh... that's just the truth. That's why I'm here... to uplift.


Next convo...
out at dinner with one of my old friends:

Me: So... tell me about this new guy. Where'd you meet him?
Her: Um... you're gonna laugh when I tell you.
Me: *serious look* Okay... where'd you meet him.
Her: Well... I had joined this site a while back.
Me: Site? Which one?
Her: Okay... Okay. Don't laugh.
Me: wth? What? Meetamillionaire.com or something?
Her: *%!@$^#(&).com
Me: *with a wtf look on my face - which then turned into a massive smile because I was trying to keep from laughing*
Her: Yeah... originally I had met a guy on there who was a fraud. He lied about his age, how much he made, and some other *ish. So I had shut my page down. But then a couple of months later I opened it back up & was getting madd attention on that piece.
Me: So are you telling me that these men, knowingly, are on this site tryin' to spend up madd loot on females who they know want them to spend their loot on them to be interested?
Her: Yep.
Me: Wow...
(Now don't even ask. I have NO CLUE as to why homegirl was/is even on the site. But I DO know that the dude she's been kickin' w/ for the last 3 months flies her out there at least twice a month. But I also know he's not as balleristic as he's trying to appear. Sorry... I just don't understand her or him on this one.)

Well... that's about it on the blog. Gotta get up at 5 am to hit the gym & sauna before work, so... I'm headed to bed. I shall return w/ something of substance later.

Quick One...

Hey, hey, hey....
It's been a minute, I know. Aki reminds me often.
It's cool though... cause I return the favor. Even when I have no grounds to talk. lol...
In my defense, I started a blog on 10/26. It's actually a decent length.
... but I guess in the big scheme of things, it really doesn't matter; if I never posted it. *sigh*
But... good news! I'ma try to post THIS weekend. No promises, though.
I've been working like a run-a-way slave!
And it's not going to get any better - any sooner.
Additional work is coming... so it looks like I'll be traveling again & sooner than I thought.
I'm not against traveling but... that mess was kicking my energy level below non-existent.
And up until last week... I couldn't even take my butt to the gym to get my energy level back up.
Thankfully... I'm back in business. I've been getting cussed out left & right for not returning calls.
Sad. But honestly, I didn't even have the energy to care. *smh*
I would say to myself... I hear ya, girl/man. I know, I suck - right now. And keep on sleeping, lounging or working. Cause unless you travel like that (I was in the office all of (3) days for (4) weeks)...
you just wouldn't understand how jet lag takes it's toll on an already tired & strugglin' person.
Someone said to me last night... "You must REALLY love your job." I said... I do like what I do.
But, in this economy... I simply like HAVING a job, period. Cause your option could be unemployment.

I had a birthday. *sigh* Birthdays = wackdays, for me.
Although an Obama win made the perfect, day after, gift.
I went to Vegas to celebrate. Or rather... not so much.
Vegas = Wackness. But it was a bday present from my Nina. Not ungrateful, but that mess was wack.
Not to mention... I had NO energy! *sigh* Details on that, later.
All of my ex's called to say "Happy Bday!" The new guy I've been seeing... remembered (4) days later. *smh*
Could be another reason I'm not that into him? No?
I'm always surprised at the people who remember... & the people who forget.
(Adwoa, you get a pass cause I heart you for infinity!)
Actually... I gave a few 'get out of jail - free' passes.
Bday's, for me, are big. No other day in the year, is the expectation to 'celebrate' me.
And not so much celebrate, as acknowledge me.
But... I'm learning to lower my expectations on bdays. In fact, I'm choosing to celebrate my day on a random, out of the blue, day next year. Not even going to be in my bday month. Just a no expectation day when the likelyhood of fun w/ ensue. *smh* @ me yelling out of the blue... "It's my birthday!" - and it's not. lmao...
Black Ski Summit, maybe? Alpha will be there. =o) All-Star weekend in AZ? Perhaps...
They're both on my list.

Okay... gotta get back to work.
Oh... one last thing (or two). I'm over The Hills.
That used to be my show.
But when they tried to go w/ the rumored storyline of Justin Bobby & Lauren...
that was it, for me.
Now I'm CONVINCED the garnered up storylines rumors are true.
Cause that mess wasn't even believable.
Audrina's acting was even unbelievable. And that girl is my favortie, right now.
Decided to just stick to CSI: Miami & Horacio Cane, now.
Or Will & Grace re-runs. I do need to update my collection.

Okay... time to get to work.
Be back this weekend (at some point) to blog.
I'm working... and shopping! =o)
Keyshia Cole's new cd in stores Dec. 16th. I just listened to the preview...
I LOVE IT!
Btw... I love her show. More on that, later, too.

Later.
~BK

Untitled...

So... the last couple of weeks have been grand. =o) Last week I went to the Broncos/Jaguars game with Nina. I haven't had THAT much fun at a dayum game in a grip! It was drizzilin' the whole dang game. Grrr... Needless to say, I had sooo much fun it was ridiculous.

My brother called me that morning to let me know he had an extra ticket on the 45 yard line (9 rows up) and wanted to know if I wanted to roll. I let him know I was rollin' w/ Nina, but that we could catch up/ meet up during the game. So he & my dad went. My mom was all making sure my dad was gonna be bundled up enough to not be cold. (They're the cutest!) Anyhoo... I bounced to go meet Nina downtown somewhere, as she was gonna drive. Now granted... this is the first time in YEARS that I didn't have access to parking in the players parking lot, so the parking/walking was gonna be a beast. Grrr... We weren't paying $40 to park @ the stadium, so I told Nina that there's a huge church not that far from the stadium where they charge about $10 for parking. I told her that I didn't have any cash, though, so we might need to hit up an ATM, first. Nina thought she had enough cash on her. Not so. We pull up, Nina had about $4 (we're already now IN the lot). So I ask the lady where's the nearest ATM. She directed us about a block. But in order to turn around, we had to drive through the parking lot. So... we get far enough from the lady & Nina's like, eff it, Kat... let's just park in here. She's not gonna know. I said, Nina... it's a friggin' church parking lot! She replied, "God's not gonna mind if we park here." *smh* That girl is a mess! I talked her outta that *ish, as... I told her I'd hate for us to return to the lot after the game & the devil left us with no ride up in that joint! Funny thing, we drove across the street to this mexican restaurant & parked for FREE! Wow! You just can't beat FREE parking. Really.

We start walking to the stadium (with the rest of the 500 people) and as we're approaching the stadium, a truck rolls by w/ two negro's screaming my name out of it. I'm lookin' like... who da hell? So they're all waving... I can't see anyone but the driver, and Lord knows I didn't know his tail. So I put my hands out as if to say, who are you. Dude starts screaming out the name of my ex that used to play on the team. I was like... "oh, hey!" He's sittin' there stopped, holding up traffic like I was gonna run over there or something. Psssh, negro please! I turned it back around & kept walking. It would have been nice to talk to him & all... but, a.) it was cold outside and b.) if it was that serious, they'd have turned the car around. We kept it moving. I just didn't know the negro still lived here.

Anyhoo... we get to our seats & it friggin' started to drizzle. Grrr... probably looked like it was snowing on TV. But... screw it. I've been in the stands in my ski-suit before, so this wasn't going to hurt anyone. We copped some hot chocolates, a hot dog, some chili cheese fries *smacks lips* & commenced to having a fab time. Nina's grandparents seats are like 12 rows up, so... we had good seats. We were actin' up & havin' a ball. So much so, the cops came up to us & were like, "you ladies are having entirely too much fun!" I said, "we really are!" The man said, "I'm keeping my eye on you ladies." =o) Nina responds, "please do!" And then puts her hands up as if to get the hand-cuffs put on her later. OUT of control we were. We later met up w/ my dad & brother over in their section. 1st thing Nina says when we walked off from them... you didn't tell me your brother was foine! I said... I don't mix friends & brothers. Been there... done that. Not the biz. Plus, my bro-ham is married, anyway.

Long story short. Game was a treat. Left there and went to a steak-house downtown. Ordered like (7) different appetizers & some orange martinis that were the best martini's I've EVER had in my life. I mean... really. Nina said I was going to love them. I've got to go back for my birthday! Thus ended the night.


Anyhoo... I've met a new guy. He's actually a friend of a friend. I've known him for a while now, but he was previously in a relationship. But... as usual, I've been finding something wrong w/ him. Well... last week he took me out to a movie. Towards the beginning he kept talking to me. Not even about the movie, just in general. WTF? Then... I could feel him staring at me for like (3) minutes or so, & I finally chimed in with the, "um... are you going to watch me or the movie?" Grrr... then he kept trying to hold my hand, touch my leg, lay his head on my shoulder... and y'all I don't mind holding hands w/ someone. But 1/2 of the movie I was thinking... "Nope, can't date this guy. He's too extra AND... He doesn't even know how to go to the movies right." *smh* Plus, there are other things that were driving me a little bit batty. I talked to Nina the next morning about the *ish & her azz was ROLLIN' about my breakdown. (Nina & I have the same problem; we seem to find something wrong w/ everyone!) So... she says, "Kat, you just need to go ahead & wave your white flag right now. Cause the *ish ain't gonna happen for us!" I'm rollin'. It's funny and sad at the same time. So I met up w/ my boss @ her sons' basketball game the next morning. I'm telling her about the *ish & asking what she thinks. She was telling me how she couldn't date this one guy back in the day, because she could hear his eyelids click when he closed his eyes (rotflmbao). She said... "you can't force your feelings, girl. Nice guy or not. I know it sucks. But SquareBear ISN'T the one & I highly doubt this cat is, either." Chick was breaking it down on me. I told her, I didn't even have anything to say. She replied, cause you know I'm right! And... that, she is. Although I've still been hanging out a bit w/ the new guy. *sigh*

SquareBear, is definitely not where I'm at. The sad part was, I actually felt a lil' bad for not really feelin' ol' boy like that. I was tryin' to like him. But... it just wasn't workin'. Funny thing... well, I'll put that up on the Vixen side (Aki, that's your cue), later.


But... new guy called me, yesterday morning, to go running with him down at this big park out here. Y'all know I haven't worked out in three months, because of my foot. So... can I tell you how friggin' out of shape I am? I mean... I kept thinking, this is sad, how out of shape I am. And we did about 4-5 miles. Plus, he was all tryin' to play with me while running. (This is why I workout SOLO!) Then... he was all, don't stop. Keep walking (when I would stop running), close your mouth & breathe through your nose, finish hard... *blank stare* Negro, you DO realize that I've been running since middle school? Grrr... I simply said, dude, I don't need a running coach. He said, I know. But I'm gonna be your motivational coach. *sigh* (Motivational or irritational?) In the car he kept playin' w/ my ears & rubbing my arms and it was just bothering the heck out of me. We went to get something to eat after that... & I called it a day.

Anyhoo... I've got some other rundown on dinner last night w/ Nina & the girls. I'll blog later on. I fly out to L.A. on Tuesday - Friday so... I'll have a lot of downtime.

Later.
~BK

The RunDown...

Guten Abend, Buenas Noches and What it is, Good People?! It's been a hot minute, yes, I know. But... hey, it's like that sometimes. =o)

Cali trip was great! SquareBear was a treat. He had a "bitchassness" moment though, one of those nights & I plum thought I was gonna sock him in his grill. Negro was tryin' to argue w/ me about Denver being worse than Compton. *blank stare* Yeah... it was trivial AND assanine. But it escalated to some foolywang levels (on his part). I'm not gonna break down that moment, but his azz knows he was cuttin' the fool. Crazy azz. But... minus that moment, the trip was nice.

I flew out on Southwest Airlines, which was a first for me. I knew they boarded in sections, so I checked in online the night before. I don't know if I necessarily feel that whole type of boarding, but... hey, not having to pay for bag check in & *ish, works perfectly fine for me. Cause Lord knows, I have yet to figure out how to pack lightly for a 3-day trip! So... anyhoo, I was in the 1st bunch of folks, so I got my isle seat quickly. Some other female came & got the window seat and I was just waiting for someone to come & get that middle seat, which are all that's left once people pick their seats. I promise you, the last chick to get on the plane, walked all the way back to our row, so we were like "grrrr..." that she was gonna sit there. But, she just couldn't make herself do it & walked all the way back up to the front of the plane to find a seat. I turned to homegirl (who happened to be white) & said... this is one of those moments where it pays to be black in america. *smh* She was like, "Awww... " *smh* but y'all know I was chucklin' to myself something serious. I probably shouldn't have said it, but... I couldn't resist. So... my motto is, "If you're black, fly Southwest! You might get a row to yourself!" Just kidding (not really).

Anyhoo... flight was nice. SquareBear was waiting for me when I came OFF the escalator. He was like... "I was soooo nervous & anxious, for some reason." I was like... "Awww... why?" He was like, "I don't know. I just was like... self, wth?! Ease up!" *smh* (Too cute). He admitted a while back that I intimidate him so... I know that had something to do with it. Never the less, we got my bags & headed to catch the shuttle back to the hotel... as he took the shuttle instead of driving. We threw the bags down & went to go get some dinner. I will say that he had plans for us to go out that night. But me & sleep had other plans. *smh* We both layed it down for a minute, cause he was tired too. But then I think he said he was gonna run somewhere (I can't remember), but I was like... cool. Just let me sleep for like an hour & a half. Um... clearly (3) hours later, when he tapped me on my shoulder to gently wake me up & said, "I'm assuming you're not going anywhere, lol..." I was like, "oh snap! I'm sooo sorry. I'm just beat! But I'll get up." And he was like, "No... you go ahead & sleep. We can just chill here @ the spot. I want you to relax this weekend, so you just sleep as long as you want." *big smile* Which would have technically ended the night, but... I caught a friggin' charlie horse (cramp) in my right leg... which then moved to my foot, which then my left leg caught the cramp & I was basically almost in tears from that *ish. He's runnin' around like crazy trying to throw hot towels in the sink to put on my legs... running down to the jacuzzi to see if it was empty so we could get in there & let the hot water soothe out the cramps, to back to the room to run some steaming hot bath water for me to soak my legs in. Grrrr.... I used to get them after one of my track meets or after working out. I haven't had one in a hot minute, so... leave it to that weekend for me to get them. I ended up scarfing down a gang of mustard to get that *ish to stop. Don't ask me what mustard does. I just know my Mom sleeps w/ mustard by her bed for when she catches the cramp during the night. Prior to the Cali trip, I was laughing at the mustard bit. But *ish... after scarfing down a gang of grey poupon (my favorite; thankfully I love mustard)... that cramping stopped. Yeah, welcome to Cali, huh? lol.


Day 2, we went & had breakfast at the hotel. Wasn't really feelin' it & left to go eat elsewhere. Hung out a bit during the day and decided to chill & watch some football until later. We were going to a comedy show & Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles. The comedy show was nice. There were like 10 comedians. There was a middle eastern guy who was up there talking about how after 9-11 there are a few things that could never again be. Like, how there will never again be a middle eastern pilot. He was acting like he was a pilot talking over the intercom & *ish and was like, "Good Everyone & welcome to United flight 695, with service to Houston. I am your pilot, Hamid Abdul Muhammad & will be in charge of this flight, along w/ our co-pilot, John Sampson. This will be my last flight, as I'll be retiring, however I hope to make it a memorable one. Should you need anything, please feel free to notify our in-flight crew. The estimated flight time is 2 hrs. & 36 minutes. We're looking at clear skies, a smooth ride & an on time arrival. Welcome aboard." And then started singing this middle eastern song & *ish. Sadly, I was nodding my head in agreement, that I'd have had to hop off that dayum flight. But I was rollin'. Then some other cat got up there & was talkin' about folks sayin' hip hop is dead. He said, hip hop isn't dead. It's alive & kickin'. But what's dead is TV! He was talkin' about Flavor of Love & I was screaming. It's waited too long to blog to remember all of those jokes, but the first thing he said was... "How do you go on a television show & compete for a prize and there's NO PRIZE!?" (As in Flava Flav not being a prize for anyone). And although I'm cool w/ Mercedes (aka Prancer), I just had to nod my head in agreement w/ this comedian. I was literally screaming at 1/2 the *ish he was saying, cause his azz was THAT funny! A chick in the audience was went to throw her head back from laughing so hard, her hair landed in the candle on the table behind her & well... homegirls head was on fire! I could smell something burning, as she was only a table away, but couldn't figure out what was burning. Too bad the host of the show was standing in the back of our section & saw that *ish , so you KNOW he came up & made an announcement and was crackin' jokes & *ish. I know she was mad about that. She came in with a half down her back weave & left with a shoulder length one. *smh* Good times, though. After dinner & the show, he asked if I wanted to hit the club or a movie. I chose the later, as the club scene isn't really my thing, these days. But, as this was the Denver/Compton fight night, we never made it. *smh*

Day 3, we hung out early in the day, I packed & we went to see my girlfriend Nabs. It was such a treat to see her. She's such a cutie patootie. We left there & went to try to find this sushi spot that's supposed to be the bomb, but we couldn't. So... to the airport it was, as... it was time for me to leave. Sealed that trip w/ a kiss and thus ended the Cali trip. (I may place a pic of him up on the Vixen side).


But... in more important news. I've got a new gig! FINALLY!! Not that I haven't been working, cause I have. But y'all know, I had been doing the contract thing for a minute now. And although there are some benefits to working contract, I was OVER that *ish. So... I decided to get focused and bat down. Went on three interviews. Two full-time, one part-time. And basically got all (3) gigs. I say basically, because I already accepted an offer on one (and the PT gig offer, I accepted, as well) & I'm just waiting to hear what the offer is from the 2nd FT one. Both are in my field and both are great opportunities. However, I seriously doubt I'll be swaying from where I'm at, now. Although my new boss knows that the 2nd one is still in the offering process. But y'all, I'm just grateful for the blessings God is pouring out on me. I knew it was coming, because He had placed a calmness over me that I hadn't experienced in over a year. And... I'm just geeked. Cause this market/ economy is NOTHING to play with. But in spite of it all, I ended up with some GREAT opportunities. My laptop was ordered & should be here next week (my laptop bag already arrived), I'll be traveling back & forth to Los Angeles, San Diego & AZ in two weeks (for four weeks), my blackberry was ordered (it's weird, tho, as we only get our blackberry's when we travel) & my business cards will be ordered shortly. My boss is hella fabulous, which I'd take a fabulous boss over any other perk ANYDAY! And I have NO complaints. So for those of you who endured the up & down roller coaster ride of emotions with me, THANK YOU!

I also ended up having to go back to the doctor for the foot rash. Grrrr... My face started swelling again this week so... to the doctor I went. I switched PCP's (Primary Care Physician) and she referred me to a dermatologist (finally got what I needed to begin with). I saw the dermatologist yesterday (she's friggin' adorable) & she says I have some sort of eczema. *relief* She scraped my foot to check for fungus. Didn't find any. But the anti-fungal cream (prescription strength) would have healed that. So... she put me on a strong azz steroid cream & I go back to see her in (3) weeks. She told me I can stop stressin' now. Which, I'm tryin to do... but as a result of me not sleeping too much last night, I know I STILL am. Grrr... But, she was just too adorable.

Anyhoo... life is great. Enjoy your day. And remember... "I can see Russia from my house!" *smdh*

~BK

Un-Motivated...

Well... I thought I wanted to write a new blog (finally). However... I just changed my mind (for the 5th time). Grrr... I've got lots to say, yet I am lacking the urge to actually put forth the effort. *sigh* Maybe later.

~BK

A Good Read...

So... in this here season of foolywang politics... I am coming across some good reads. And yes, I actually read the majority of them. Especially about the unknown - ie. Palin. My Dad used to always say, "You need to pay attention to what these people are saying...," and honestly, I got why a LONG time ago. Which is why I CHOOSE to be active in this stuff. Because like it or not, these people are wanna be leaders, actual leaders, future leaders or people who have a voice (and can be heard) in a world in which I live or actively participate in. And to ensure that foolywang politicians aren't the one's leading it, I participate in the process. For even if they are, I still need to know what these people are saying in order to be pro-active in combating the process. Yeah... it's another political blog. =o) Anyhoo... came across this read today & LOVED IT so... I'm sharing. Granted, there will be a blog about the Cali trip this week, hopefully. But... it's sooo much easier to blog when you're being lazy about typing; when all you have to do is cut & paste. Enjoy!


A Woman's Worth
We've come a long way baby
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
By Goldie Taylor



I have been a mother all of my adult life. A single working mother. I put off dating, took menial jobs far beneath my qualifications and baked my share of ginger bread cookies for PTA Night, all so that three incredible children could have better. I chose their lives over mine. I don't have to tell you that it wasn't easy. Unfortunately, my story, our story, is not unique.

We slept in cars, bought groceries with food stamps and prayed for a better day. When that wasn't enough, I put myself through school at Emory University and took a part-time job as a staff writer at the Atlanta Journal Constitution. That was over a decade ago.

Along the way, things got better. I've been an executive at two Fortune 500 companies and a practice director at two multinational public relations firms. Today, I own an advertising agency and I've authored two novels. A third and fourth are on the way, God willing. All of this was possible because somebody laid a brick or two on the road for me.

A few weeks ago, I woke in tears. It was my 40th birthday and certainly not a time for sadness. Rather, I cried in joy because for the first time I realized and could embrace the value of the struggle. The bright little girl, who once cried in my arms because we didn't know where we were going to live, was headed off to Brown University. The small boy who had been the "man of the house" far too soon was now truly a man. And the tiny, angelic baby who had come to this world precious and innocent just 15 months after him was now a 16 year old girl headed out to her first job interview.

For all of this, maybe I should be proud of a woman like Sarah Palin. Maybe, just maybe, I should be rejoicing in John McCain's selected running mate.

But I'm not.

I'm not "bed wetting liberal" nor am I a "right-wing zealot." What I am is a working mother. And I cry foul.
I won't, for a moment, denigrate her experience or lob spit balls at her family. I will, though, take issue with what she knows. Or more succinctly, what she does not know. Living in Alaska, I'm not sure how much she knows about the people living in inner city Baltimore. I don't know how much she cares about the 125 murders this summer in Chicago. I have no idea what she believes about HIV/ AIDS and the havoc it wrecks on Black women or the cancer rates in East St. Louis. She hasn't said nary a word about Hurricane Katrina or the infant mortality rates in Appalachia.

I do know that she's a life-time member of the NRA, a proponent of individuals who wielded the very weapons that killed my father and brother. I do know that she “lives really close to Russia,” but I'm not so certain she is ready for Putin. I know she wanted to ban books for public libraries and sex education in schools, but that her 17 year old is pregnant and preparing for a shotgun wedding. I know that she loves her husband enough to allow him (and probably did herself) use her office to settle a personal score--one that the McCain campaign would now like to cover in under a blanket of Juneau snow. I know that the Alaska Independent Party, and its secessionist platform, was enticing enough for her to attend its conference (and for her husband to become a card carrying member). Does she love her country? I'm sure. Enough to support those who want to leave it.
But I have no earthly idea what she knows (or could possibly know) about national domestic policy or foreign diplomacy. For all of her working class values, she never once mentioned the Middle Class in her diatribe that mocked her opponent's experience. Having been the mayor of Wasilla (pop. 6,000 at the time) and governor of Alaska (a state a smaller than the county I live in) for a little over a year, she felt she was qualified to do that. And obviously, so did John McCain.

If she's qualified, then so am I.

But in this country I love, she has been afforded the ability to run. The very constitution she says doesn't apply to the men at Guantanamo says she can. But this is about more than that.

As Gloria Steinem said in a recent Los Angeles Times editorial, "Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It's about making life more fair for women everywhere. It's not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too many of us for that. It's about baking a new pie."

The good news is thanks to Shirley Chisholm, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Angela Davis, Condoleeza Rice, Anita Hill, Madeline Albright, Maxine Waters, Kathleen Sebelius, Hilary Rodham Clinton and a slew of others, there are 18 million proverbial cracks in the ceiling. Our collective political and economic power is due to the strides (and leaps) they, and others, took on my behalf.

I am grateful. I am deeply humbled to stand on the bricks they'd laid before me.

But, whatever our struggle was (and is) that last thing I want is to be patronized. Just as I cannot support just any African American who decides to offer themselves up for public service, I will not toss my vote to someone just because we share the same chromosome mix. To do so would dishonor the vow I made to my children, to myself. I did not vote for Al Sharpton, wasn't old enough (nor would I have) voted for Jesse Jackson and I certainly will not support Sarah Palin. Identity politics, especially in this case, are a sham of the worst order.

When I cast my vote, it will be for people who will lay more bricks for people like me. It will be for people who will put diplomacy before war, challenge us all to provide healthcare for the sick, help another child go to college, and check the special interests in Washington. This fall, I'm not looking for a woman.

I'm looking for a brick layer.

I could care less if that person hasn't spent "enough" time in Washington or can "properly field dress a moose". I could care less if that person likes hockey, soccer, football or table tennis. I could care less if they graduated from Harvard or the University of Iowa. I'm a Christian, but I could care less if they are down with Deuteronomy, Leviticus or Numbers. I want them to uphold the Constitution.

So no, I will not sit idly by as they attempt to suspend habeas corpus at Guantanamo Bay, engage wiretaps on American citizens without a warrant, and hide behind executive privilege when they are caught firing attorney generals based on how well they tow the Republican line. I won't let them cost us $12 billion a month fighting a war that should have never been authorized and never been waged. Not while working people lose their homes to predatory lenders and watch as we bail out the financial institutions that created the housing crisis. I will not, in the name of history, vote for a woman like Sarah Palin who does not share my values.

But here’s what I will do.

I will continue raising money for Barack Obama. I will get on the phone again and call people in distant states I've never met. I will e-mail, call, and knock on doors until the final vote is cast. I do this, not because he shares my skin, but because I admire his principals and he shares my values. I do this because Barack Obama is more than a community organizer, he is a bricklayer. And he sees -- just as he sees the light in Michelle's eyes -- my struggle, my worth as a woman.

Goldie Taylor is CEO of Native Brand Communications and chairman of Goldie Taylor OmniMedia, LLC. She is the author of In My Father’s House (Wheatmark, 2005) and The January Girl (Madison Park, 2007 & Warner Books, 2008) and is currently working on her third novel, Come Sunday. Taylor and her children live in Atlanta and New York. For more information, visit www.goldietaylor.net or her blog Second Day at www.goldietaylor.wordpress.com

A lil' bit of this... A lil' bit of that...

It's definitely been a minute. I see half of you commenters were scared to leave a comment on my Obama blog. lol! Just kidding. Not to worry... they'll be more political commentary in this one & others, I'm sure. It really is a sad state of affairs to realize how much we are STILL a country divided. I've been trying to actively participate in watching the RNC, too. I like to be informed of what their stance is on the issues. I laugh at 1/2 of what these jokers are saying. I tried to watch Bush' speech the first night, but once he got to talkin' crazy (about what he knows)... I had to exit stage left. That man is comedy. No wonder I get such a kick out of the proud moments in presidential speeches highlights on David Letterman that are always clowning that man. *sigh* I could only take about 5 minutes each of the main folks speaking. Um... I can't take A ONE of these mutha suckas seriously. I can't. My vote isn't swaying so... it's really pointless. Especially with the all time high level the foolishness they're spitting has reached. Grrrr...

Moving along... Let me update you on me.

Well... stress/anxiety has been whuppin' up on my azz something serious. Went back to the doctor for that rash on my foot two weeks ago and... during the regular check-in/check-up stage, my blood pressure had apparently skyrocketed. My doctor came in the room & was like... um, not sure what's got you so stressed out besides you worring about this rash & your reaction you're having from it, but... all of that stress/ worry/ anxiety is causing you blood pressure to be sky high. It's borderline where we would start to treat someone for high blood pressure. I'm looking dumbfounded, as I had NO CLUE it was affecting me like that. Hell... I thought I was feeling crazy from all the meds they put me on for the rash. She said they would normally start to treat someone for high blood pressure at 140/90. Folks... my top # was 168. YIKES! So... needless to say, I have been doing some SERIOUS r&r over the last couple of weeks. I had to keep a blood pressure log for two weeks, but surprisingly, it's been VERY GOOD since then. SquareBear is working out in Cali this month and... is flying me out there this weekend for another r&r weekend. He asked me about some dates the Friday night before last & that saturday I woke up to an email on with my flight itinerary. I'm geeked. =o) It's sooo what I need! I can't wait to get there. Um, quiet as it's kept... he's growing on me. I had to check myself this weekend because I didn't think he was calling like he should be. He's been practicing for a triathalon (he ran today) for the last two weeks... and if he didn't pick up when I called, I was getting annoyed & *ish. I had to ask myself WHY I was getting annoyed, if I hadn't really even decided if I want to pursue this on a more serious level. *sigh* I refrained from saying something (after all, he's flying me out this weekend), but a couple of times I wanted to. But I'm sooo glad I refrained. Last night, out of the blue, he apologized for not seeming to be as attentive as he usually is, because he's been all into his triathalon training... and said how excited he is to see me. *wow! very unexpected* Thank goodness for keeping my mouth shut. I just said... "No problem. I understand." Sheesh... why was I trippin' (low-key) to begin with? *sigh* Feelings can be a b!tc* sometimes. Especially when you don't realize you're slowly catching them. Let's hope the cornball doesn't come out of him this weekend. Cause he's steady gaining ground...


Anyhoo... I've had a bunch of Randoms the last couple of weeks, but forgot to jot them down. But... here are some that I can remember:

~Why does Lo on The Hills bug the *ish outta me? I used to think she was the nicest pickle in the patch. But that chick has CLEARLY let Hollywood go to her head, cause she thinks she is THAT deal. No ma'am, chick. You are the least hottest chick on the show. Sorry. And... in contrast, why do I LOVE Audrina!

~So... I read a couple of the gossip blogs, but I can never read the comments anymore because the IGNORANCE runnin' up through there is ridiculous on some of them joints. I can tell you when I initially stopped waaay back in the day, when supposedly some pics of Vivica Fox giving head to someone surfaced & folks were trying to clown her (for some reason). But someone busted up in the joint talking about Viv was too old to be actin' like that. And I had to call my girl and ask... "Since when did giving head come with an age limit?" *smh* But when folks got to talkin' about Halle Berry's kid being ugly this week, the ignorance reached an ALL-TIME high! I mean, seriously folks... fa' real?!

~Never thought I'd actually WATCH from G's to Gent's on MTV. But that dayum T-Jones was a funny mutha sucka! "... I will survive!" *smh*

~And while we're on that topic, why does Creepa insist on calling himself a goon?! I mean... I don't know where that self describing term came from, but I can assure you, you will NEVA hear me refer to self as that. Wow. Home training is a beast, ain't it?

~I am OVER being smitten with Mr. JBHH. He's still a cutie, but uh... I just can't even entertain him. I don't think he knows this yet, but... uh, yeah. I'm not gon' be able to do it.

~There's a chick who's been blogging something serious (in installments) about relationships & loving her man. However, for two years (and two kids later)... this chick has been blogging about how he tore her down to the core (on all kinds of levels) and is now blogging about how you should hang in there, pretty much regardless. Should I take this chick seriously? I mean... at WHAT point do you not only want better for yourself, but EXPECT better for yourself? Or is it just the norm now to accept mediocrity from a man as normal? I mean... *sigh* Nevermind... that's just me thinking out loud. If she likes it, I love it.

~And speaking of men... can I get this cat w/ a red bow on him for my bday? Goodness. Ladies, if you ain't on, get on! Let me introduce... (to everyone except Carla) David Oliver. (Yes, I ganked these pics straight from his page!) But as SOON as this cat came on the t.v. (during the Olympics) for the 100m hurdles... I was like, "WHO IS THAT?!" AND he's from DENVER!! Y'all... something about him reminds me of Alpha. =o)

THE LATEST EYE CANDY...





GOOD GAWD!! GO USA!! =o)


Anyhoo... back to the randoms...

~I'm watching the VMA's... and is Russell Brand getting his red nose on or what? Yes, Team Barack! But uh... wth @ Lil' Weezy's performance? And what was that lil' leg of his supposed to be doing on that dance? *smh* I was tickled something serious watching that mess. But... I was sooo pullin' for Britney to win. Something about seeing someone rise up from a fall brings a smile to my face. Go girl! Chick was looking fab, too. It's still on, so I have no performance comments. Pink just went off, and thus far she's the ONLY performance I've enjoyed. Grrr...

~I can't believe I'm not playin' fantasy football this year. Tryin' to keep my focus where it needs to be. But durn it... I almost started up a league toay by myself. Or considered joining a random one. This is KILLIN' me!

~I added a chat box on here, too. So... hit it up anytime! Also... my girls Carla & Camille joined up on here so... feel free to hit them up, too. I'm going to get my blog roll up this week (hopefully) so it's easier access to check out the blogs I read.

Well... That's all folks. I need to hit the sack. I got all of four hours of sleep last night.
~BK

*SMDH*

I've got two words for these two people...

QUIT PLAYIN'!!!!

That is all. Happy Friday, people! I've got a donation to go make to the Obama campaign. I can't even begin to comment on the foolishness but... these jokers are comedy. So NOW a "change is coming," McCain? Um... you might represent many things, but "CHANGE" isn't one of them. Quit Playin'! Damn it... this *ish is really starting to get ridiculous.

Just My Thoughts...

So... I watched Hillary's speech last night (now a few nights ago). Twice even. 1st, because I was intrigued to know what she was going to say. And 2nd, because I couldn't sleep and had been glued to CNN the majority of the night and since I enjoyed it sooo much, I thought I'd listen to it again. She had some real highlights in that speech. And one of my favorite's was her reference to Harriet Tubman. "...and if you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches in the woods, keep going. If they're shouting after you, keep going. Don't ever stop, keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going. And even in the darkest moments, keep going. That is what American's have done... we have found the faith to keep going." "...and before we can keep going, we've got to GET GOING by electing Barack Obama." The crowd is cheering and screaming, when suddenly the camera pans onto some black lady who is beside herself w/ emotion. She's a Hillary supporter to the max. Chick was talking all kinds of crazy, though. My Dad & I were looking at the tv & each other like... what just happened here? I'm thinking... CHICK, did you even friggin' LISTEN to ANY of what Hillary J.U.S.T. said?! Hillary said, "... I want you to THINK about why you're in this. Are you in this campaign just for me? Or are you in this for the man in the military fighting for his country? Are you in this for the mother w/ cancer with two young children? etc. etc. etc... " Back to the beside herself chick, tho... Chick was breaking down w/ the tears and carrying on w/ this barage of how she won't vote for McCain, but Barack needs to show her why she should vote for him. And he's got two months to show her and what not. *blank stare* My Dad just looked at me and said... "This is a clear indication of someone that is STUCK!!! Hillary just said... "keep going" and this chick is stuck in her thought process and does NOT know how to keep going.

Now... I'm not about to get all political to the umpteenth power. I decided long ago not to blog about two things. Religion & Politics. I can understand being hurt that your candidate didn't win or mad about the scrutiny that your candidate had to go through. Why? Because I, myself, was extra pissy during the running for the election about more than a few things. And I was far from happy about the way Obama was being treated, at times. And I was split down the middle on whether I was going to vote for Hill or Obam, initially. But, I became a delegate at the county level for Obama waaaaaay back at our caucus & went head strong after that... but I digress. Nevertheless... when the character attacks got going and Hillary started showing her ass... I was salty. At one point, I even said to my boy... if she gets the nomination, even I'LL vote for McCain. (Dayum lie... as that was my anger talking. Clearly, when I got a level head & my boy checked me, cooler thoughts prevailed. Basically... COMMON SENSE!) My take is... if you've complained about the state of our country over the last 8 years and vote for 4 more of the same... complaining is a moot point. So if you DON'T vote and end up w/ 4 more of the same, then you don't have a reason to complain about WHOMEVER wins this canidacy. But this chick they panned the camera to & had this short side show with... just had me shaking my head. Said Hillary gave a presidential speech, too. *smh* Uh... sorry chick. Her speech was fabulous, I'll admit. But presidential candidate speech it was not. TRUST... if the woman had won the nomination, her speech would be 10x's as fab as the fab one she gave last night. Realize that, if you don't know otherwise. And please realize, if nothing else... it's YOU (lady) who has two months to get on board. Cause like it or not... the bus to the white house is pulling up in November with or without you. You can miss the bus if you want to, but my suggestion is to get on the bus! We are fired up & ready to go!

But I digress...
All I'm going to say is... Team Obama!

Anyhoo... I wrote that a couple of days ago. Four days worth of speeches. I've enjoyed so many of them. But none more than the man that has my vote, Barack. That man is inspiring. And he is most definitely the CHANGE I BELIEVE IN!!

Be Blessed!
~BK

Cougar Part II

Picking up where I left off...

So... let's see. His cousin (my friend) called me to ask what I thought of him. I was slightly caught off guard and really didn't know how to answer that question. I told her he's a definite cutie pie & told her a few of the things he said... and pretty much left it at that. I wasn't exactly sure whether I was completely taking him seriously or not at that point. So... long story short... after I posted that post & watched The Hills, my girl called me over to her crib for a lil' bit, as they were flying back to DC that next day. I had to pick up some business stuff from them, as I'm joining into another home-based business w/ them. Her hubby let me know that Mr. 22 (new name from this point on will be Mr. JBHH, ie. Mr. JailBaitHipHop). No, he's not a criminal... I just like that name from How Stella Got Her Groove Back. So... whatever.

I throw on some oversized sweats (my favorite thing to relax in) & go. I arrive and he's already there. I shoot the shimmy w/ my girl's hubby about the business and am slightly listening to his convo w/ my girl in the midst of my own conversation. Yeah... I'm good at multi-listening when I need to be. I hear him inquiring to my girl as to what he should do in regards to me. Meaning go for the gusto or not. I could have sworn my girl said to him, "I think you should keep it moving." lol! Now I wasn't sure if it's because she knows the kind of guys I usually date or because she didn't want him to get his feelings hurt. Or maybe if it was just too close to home. But... he replied w/ some words (I couldn't catch his response though. And truthfully, that keep it moving comment might not have even been in regards to me. I was just assuming). But I later hear him saying something & she says, "do what you do." Long story short... they're getting ready for bed, so he walks me out. We talk for about 30 minutes. He's comin' at me from every direction. Tells me he's had a crush on me since he met me & he wants to know what I think about him... the situation... us... etc. I'm like... wasn't the advice you were given in the house to keep it moving? He said... But is that what YOU want me to do? *silence* I can't even say, yes. Cause even I wasn't sure if I wanted him to keep it moving. I just replied... "Look, I can't say that that's what I want... but I really don't know how to answer that question, as this situation is just really awkward." He said he understood. He knows it's awkward. But that he doesn't want to miss out on going after his longtime crush & always wonder what might have/would have/could have been... when he could just take a chance & let the cards fall where they may. No lie... I was giddy inside for some reason. But at that point... I was just still unsure of how to handle this situation. We parted w/ a hug & text'd a bit after that. At this point... I'm just still a bit in limbo as to what just happened. If I thought he was gonna ease up & get over it... it was NOT about to happen. lol!

I'll admit... I'm attracted to him. Yes, I am. And I'm definitely attracted to a man that knows what he wants & isn't afraid to go after it. But, 22? Not sure if I can go there. But... for those of you on the protected, check the spot to see a pic of him. =o)


However... --->insert 22 yr old moment <--- here. We're talking... discussing some casual convo *ish on Friday night. I ask him can he cook. He says, "Most definitely. I love to cook." Hmmm... so I say, so you can cook me something sometime then? He says, "Of course. What would you like me to cook?" I ask if he cooks salmon? He lets me know he's allergic to fish *sigh* So... long story short... he says, "I'll put it like this... I'll cook for you as long as you buy the groceries." *sigh* (This is starting to resemble the $2 bill story from a few years ago where the dude said if he pays for dinner the chick should pay the tip. Remember that bull*ish?) So... I say, "Why? Because you're 22?" He says, "Nah. I'm on some 50/50 tip. If you were cooking me dinner, I'd buy the groceries." I said, "If I was cooking you dinner, I wouldn't LET you buy the groceries. That's included in me cooking dinner!" *smh* Maybe I'm just spoiled or something. Cause never in my life had I had a dude tell me he'd cook me dinner if I bought the groceries. So... you know I'm thinking to myself... "girl, is this really a road you want to go down?" I mean... when Square Bear & Alpha are ones to fly a chick out of state to see them AND wine & dine me while I'm there... Maybe I'm just spoiled? No? Or then again... perhaps it's due to the fact that they are far from 22. Grrr...

I'll keep you posted on what happens. I talked to my girl (his cousin) via email today & she was pretty much playing up his attributes. She said she doesn't remember telling him to keep it moving. She said she told him to do him. So... apparently, she's not opposed to it. Wow.

Anyhoo... I've got a bunch of randoms to write but... I'm lacking the energy. Maybe Tuesday. =o)

Did you call me a cougar? LMAO!

So... this has been one crazy lil' weekend. I'm going to try & finish this before The Hills comes on, cause I do not play on watching The Hills. That *ish is my crack.

Thursday night... I ended up in the ER til' 3 am. I have a rash on my foot and it seems that I was having an allergic reaction to the fungi in the rash. It's called an id reaction. So... I was breaking out in these lil' bumps all over. But when they officially hit my face... it was a wrap on being cool about it. I'm was in that ER w/ the quickness. Good thing... cause it's gradually gone downhill since then. My face has been swelling... my eyes have been swelling... and my anxiety has kicked into OVERdrive! Yeah... I've basically been lookin' like a boogawolf on & off. *smh* I'm on meds, and definitely keeping my benadryl w/in arms length. Almost wound up back in the ER last night, as I felt like my breathing was off. Thank goodness I have awesome parents. They are awesome in calming me down. I didn't get to bed til' late, tho... so I took a day to try to mellow out & relax. I have to go see my regular doc & then a dermatologist in the next couple of weeks to make sure things are back in order. The sooner the better cause... I'm still breaking out in these lil' bumps (on my hands & arms) at times and that *ish is not the business. People wonder why I'm such a hypocondriac w/ the allergic reactions... but that *ish is no joke w/ me. I KEEP some benadryl around at all times. I've had (4) too many reactions.


Moving on... obviously I skipped going out on Friday to the happy hour. I was gonna try & tough it out, swollen eyes and all but... I just couldn't get the energy. One of my best girlfriends, Cathy, came into town on Thursday from DC, w/ her hubby. This is one of my longest friends and I heart her. She's a psychologist and was about to rip me a new a-hole for not calling her back - a month ago. But... although she knows it's not healthy for me to get to myself when I'm not happy, she understands. However... she still let me have it. I really must do better, though... cause as time goes by I am really starting to not take for granted the friendships that are lasting. Not that I ever have... but I really do realize the value of a true friend. And she definitely is one of the best people you could have in your life. I'm definitely going to do better than I have been at keeping in touch.

Anyhoo... Saturday, I went over her mom's house to catch up w/ them & some of her family. I had a fabulous time. Her lil' cousin was over there and dude is sooo hawt! *smh* I thought he was such a cutie when we were in her wedding a while back. I was callin' him my lil' boyfriend and *ish. Cause he was clearly underage. Well... fast forward to now... I see him, I give him a hug. And wowzers... dude was comin' at cha girl hard. Threw me ALL OFF! He's like... "I'm not that same boy you're used to seeing. I'm a grown man now." Me... "That you are." He says... "I'm feelin' you. I'm tryin' to get at you." Me... *choking on my spit* "Word?!" (At this point, I'm speechless) I say... "How old are you now?" He says... I'm 22. (Jesus be a shield around me, as that's (4) years past 18!!) He smiles... I smile back. (I feel like I've got a 7th grade crush). I say... "so what? you just like older women or something?" He replies, "I've always liked older women." I nod my head to say... Interesting. He moves to stand directly across from me because he wants to look me in my eye while he talks to me. I couldn't even look at him in his face. Good gawd! I tell him he'll have to move back to the side of me. Anyhoo... long story short, he asked for my #. I look at him w/ the side eye & he says... "you know, for business purposes." Me... knowing he'll use it otherwise, STILL gave it to him. 30 minutes later, I get a text from him saying... "you still look good!" At 1st, I was like who da hell, as I never put his # in my phone, just gave him mine. But then I figured it out & was just like... wow, dude is really tryin' to do it up. I replied back w/ something just as flirtatious. He was saying *ish off & on all night. Now... rarely am I at a loss for words, but damn it... I'll admit this negro had me a bit open. W/ his foine azz. He was serious about success... swollen face & all. *smdh*

Long story short... when I left, my girlfriends mom asked him to walk me to my car (it was raining) and so naturally he was like, "oh fa' sho. You already know I'll walk her to her car." (Prayer circle join hands) He walks me to my car, gives me a hug & tells me to call him when I get home. I text him to let him know I got home safely... and he maintains his boldness. I hit the pillow and it's a wrap on the texting. But the next day... he's back on it. I swear... this cat has more game than men in their 30's! Sheesh! He says, "What are doing today?" I reply, "Going back over Cathy's later & grabbing me something to eat. And u?" He says, "Chillin' & thinking about you." I say... "Wow... you're really tryin' to be on top of your game, aren't cha?" He says, "Nah. This is just how I feel. I've liked you for a minute now. But I didn't think you'd talk to me if I wasn't legal. (True). So... now that I am..." Me... *blank stare* at the phone. I say..., "wow, you're so straight forward w/ it... you've totally caught me off guard. There's an obvious attraction w/ us. I just never thought you'd act on it." He replies... "And I didn't think you ever would so... I thought I had to act on it. But would you want me to stop." Okay kids... maybe it's because I missed out on getting the dick from Alpha (protected readers know this story) ... or the fact that this negro is sooo dayum sexy. But damn it... 22 & comin' at me like this? I was thrown!


So... I text my girl Dani (aka UrbaneDiva) to playfully ask if I'd be wrong if I got at my girl's 22 year old cousin? I text'd the wrong freak, cause she was like... Go For It! *smdh* I replied... I KNEW I text'd the WRONG person to get an answer to that question!! Rotdflmbao! We had a field day with this this weekend. The girl then called me & called me a cougar and GROWLED! Goodness... this *ish is hilarious. I called my boy E, to get a 2nd (more level) opinion, and he said the same thing... Go for it! *smh* But what really threw me off is when my girl Cathy(his cousin) called me to ask me what I thought about him. *pause* But... The Hills is now on so... this post will have to wait. Or at least the update.

Lata...
~BK

Girl, STOP bringing your insecurity out with you...

So... I went out last Friday night to the summer happy hour series, again. The summer happy hour series is a happy hour event that moves to a different house each week. It's kind of like a barbecue that includes lots of libation (starts during happy hour, but continues into the wee hours of the morning, depending on strength of the happy hour). Each week there's a new theme. Last weeks theme was Mardi Gras. So... the beads were in full effect.

I meet up w/ my girl, Gut, up there. *shouts out to my sis (Sassy) for keeping me entertained by phone the whole time I was getting ready/driving there* So anyway... I meet up w/ her outside and we walk up together. My other girl, Cam, would be meeting me up there a little later. We walk in & are talking to our normal peeps (our boys) and some of the females we knew. The guy(s) throwing this weeks happy hour are a bit on the younger side of the regular posse (although they are included in the regular posse) so... the crowd was definitely a younger group, but mainly a mix of twenty somethings - forty somethings. Never the less... we're chillin'. My boy made some gumbo so... he urged me to get in the kitchen & get some of it before it was all gone. The stuff was schlammin'! So... this one dude, let's call him Boogie Bot, is talkin' to me. Gut yells out... "Girl, you better hurry up & finish talkin' to him, cause you know the wife is crazy!" We fall out. Because at a previous happy hour - she (the wife) saw us talking to him (and some other females, too) and each & every time, she would walk over to make her presence known. And we were ROLLIN'! Those type of females drive me CrAzY! Chick... slow down, your insecurity is showin'. *smh* Anyhoo... his boys are laughin' & we continue to talk. Wifey wasn't at the happy hour, yet so... we didn't have to start in with the chuckles, just yet.

So... in walks an old friend by the name of... hmmm... what can I call him? Let's call him G-Stance. He gives me a big hug & we shoot the *ish for a minute. He just moved back here from out of state. Just got thru going through a big divorce in the last year. So... he's all over me. Literally. Couldn't shake him 1/2 of the night. So... we're standing there & dude asks will I give him a shot. I kind of laugh & blow him off. Not really taking him that serious. Although he started introducing me as his girlfriend to everyone. *smh* So... this chick comes into the party. Apparently she spots him standing w/ me and makes her way over to the area. I recognize the girl... cause she used to work w/ me at the job I got laid off from last month. I smile (all big) like HEYYYY!!!! She smiled back w/ this sort of 1/2 smile so I was like... hmmm... okay, whatever. Mind you, at the job, she used to be all up & through my area being all nice & talky. Whatev! So... I'm standing there w/ G-Stance and she's tryin' to shoot the shimmy w/ him when all of a sudden I hear her say... "You here w/ her?" (So you know my sensory device for hearing things elevated... cause I'm thinking, ahhh hell, here we go!) He says, "Who?" She replies, "To the right?" He looks to his right (I'm standing on his left). She says, "No. To MY right." (Bingo! That's me.) And he turns & looks my direction & says, "I'm tryin' to be. Why? What's up?" She throws her hands up in the air & says... "No comment then." And starts to walk off. So you know I'm thinking WTF was that *ish a about. I see her look back at him and so I jump in with the... "Um... wth was that madness about?" He repeats the convo (apparently he, like she, was unaware I heard the mess). I was like, I heard the convo. I'm just not sure what her attitude is about. You mess w/ the girl or something? Cause... clearly, homegirl is actin' the nut because I'm STANDING next to you. *smdh* Sigh. He was like... "I'm not sure what her deal is. She's not w/ me... ain't never been with me. Not to mention, she's married." *smh* Come to find out, she attended one of the happy hours back when I was in NC & apparently told him she was married, but still wanted to get at him. And since he's now divorced (and both him & the ex had done dirt to contribute to the demise of their relationship)... he repects all relationships now. So... I was like, THIS is why I hate Colorado. Chicks out here are OFF their rockers w/ that ignorant acting bullsh!t. Don't get mad at me cause the dude you like wants to holla. I don't GET IT! Especially when you're already married.


So... of course Gut jumps up & is like, what's wrong? I'm like, females are wack in this piece, that's all. I tell her the story. We're laughing about it, but she wants to see the girl. She's in rare form that night, so... she was definitely apt to getting her clown on. Cause homegirl was NOT cute. G-Stance & I just continue talking & shootin' the shimmy. About 40 minutes later, homegirl comes back 3-deep & they all sort of gather 'round like... "So, you're actin' stuck up tonight?" to him. *sigh* at the 12th grade behavior. All in an effort to get noticed. At this point, I'm laughing and shaking my head. Cause the kicker is... I DON'T WANT HIM! He's cute, but it's NOT that serious. Please stop. Your jealousy AND insecurity is showing. My people... my people... we MUST do better.

Boogie Bot's wife finally shows up and... here come the over the top antics, once again. But that *ish wasn't just going on w/ her... there were about (5) other females we were laughing at behind this behavior. Now granted, men will be men and there are a few married cats that DO have their down lows show up to these events. But dayum it, if I have to constantly stress out about what my man is doing... chances are, he's NOT the man I need to be with. I just don't get it. If you have to make your presence known... you're further back in the game than you think you are. Your MAN should be the one making your presence known... simply by introduction. I mean... I know cats can be scandalous (both men & women) but... sheesh, WE (myself & Gut) DON'T WANT YOUR MAN!?! We've known most of these cats for YEARS!! And hell... the one's we usually meet for the 1st time, we don't usually want, either. If Boogie Bot hasn't introduced you to us in (4) happy hours thus far... chances are... he's NOT going to. However, that's not our problem. That's yours! Grrrr....

I couldn't wait to get up outta there. Especially since "the funny actin' ex co-worker" suddenly got the balls to speak to me (2 hrs later) & ask... "What's your name?" when I was in the house. I just looked at her & said, "Um... you ALREADY know my name." (Here we go with the "selective" amnesia. Please don't try to play me like that). *blank stare* "She says, "Dang after only a month, you done forgot who folks are now?" I said, "Look here... I smiled at you when I first saw you. You gave me the 1/2 smile & so I was like... whatever." She replies, girl... I didn't know that was you. You know when it's dark outside folks can't see. Hmmm... that one would work if it was actually dark when you arrived. It wasn't. Not to mention, we were standing beside the lamp that would spotlight the backyard all night. Nice try though. *I'm thinking... don't start lyin' now, chick!* After that, she was tryin' to be my BFF. Whatev. I just don't get it.


This weeks theme is a Jamaican one w/ a different Martini every hour. Although I'd like to indulge, I can only take so much of the foolish behavior. Chances are I WON'T be in attendance. Maybe next week...

Better Days...

Was having a different day, yesterday. Not in the mood to deal w/ anyone elses b.s. and certainly not in the mood to deal w/ my own. Was getting ready to come up in this piece and write a blog that just said:

Fukk effort.
I give up.
The end.

Yet... I didn't do it. Cause I knew I'd feel differently in a couple of days. I hit up JH via text and... in lieu of the tears, he replaced them w/ smiles & laughter. All via words. I heart him. =o) It was just one of those "eff the positive attitude" days. (We can't always be happy). And I didn't want to hear the standard... "Just let it go & give it to God," response either. Thank goodness, he knows this. He's one of the one's who doesn't give you the ol' "conditioned" response, on the regular. The conditioned response works at times, but it's certainly not what you want to hear ALL the time. =o)


So... Nina & I had plans to hit up a business presentation to re-up on old info & jot down any new. I showed up a bit late. In addition to my bad day... my hair was having a bad day of it's own. Grrrr... Cute, but the flat iron wasn't getting as hot as I needed it to. *sigh* Whatev. Threw on a cute summer dress, some heels and bounced. Met up with Nina & lol @ us really not paying the utmost attention to the man speaking. After about 20 minutes, I turned to her & said... "Why are we here?" *smh* She quickly said, "I know. Let's go get something to eat." So... we bounced.

Ran into JH on the way out & cut the shimmy w/ him for a hot minute. He definitely was in the mode to make sure I was still smiling and keeping me out of my funk. Indeed I was. =o) Told him Nina & I were on our way to get something to eat. He noted that he was there w/ "bighead" (RS - his BFF) so... he'd have to wait for him, but inquired where we were going. Nina & I bounced & went to this steakhouse called Ted's. Didn't like the menu, so we left. Went to Applebee's & decided we were too cute to be up in Applebee's so... once again, we bounced. Decided to drop my car back off at my house & take one car and go to our regular spot for after business presentations... The Olive Garden. Although upon entrance, Nina again said... "We're probably too cute for this joint, too." We were starving so... that was the spot, regardless of being too cute. Got seated... RS called & said he & JH were going to meet us up there. Hey... the more the merrier. =o) That convo was all kinds of pg-13, rated-R & x-rated that night. Clearly... we hadn't had one of these nights in a minute. We had a ball, though. I had two strawberry fresco's. I don't know what's in it besides vodka & diced up strawberries... but it was indeed a good look.

The waitress was flirting all up in, around & behind the scenes of RS's grill. After the 3rd time she walked away... I told him, "Ol' girl is feelin' you, quite tough." He replied w/ the cockiness of... "How can she not?" *smh* w/ a bunch of chuckles included. Um... okay. Later on, she was jacking up on something & RS was jokingly like, that's coming out of your tip. She responds with something like... "I was just getting destracted by looking into your big brown eyes." JH was like... okay, Georgia (waitress' name)... you're really tryin' to do something over here, aren't cha?" I couldn't even hold in the chuckles anymore. Hell, none of us could. We all busted up laughing, as we already knew she wanted to get at RS. But after a night of jokes, good conversation, libation (for Nina & I) and business stuff, too... it was just like old times. We hadn't done one of those nights in months. And I was grateful to all of them for trying to ensure that I was having a better day.


Nina & I proceeded to my new favorite bar to have Pomegrante Martini's (that joint was EMPTY). So after drinks and business talk (we're getting *ish together for our flip & other business ventures; both of us are determined to be on our grind & living how we'd like to - sooner than later)... we bounced to bar #2 and to meet up w/ Fred (my ex's frat bruh/BFF). This negro (Fred) comes in lookin' like the winner that he is and we had a drink w/ him (that joint was dead, too) and called it a night. We text'd RS (jokingly) and told him we were coming over to swim & spend the night... to which he said, okay. lmao! Thus... ends the story & the night. Trust me... I was in much better spirits by the time my head hit the pillow. And I'm in a 150% better mood, today. What a difference a day makes. =o)

Be easy...
~BK

So....

I've been in a MUCH better mood. =o)

Went out last Saturday & had an interesting time, to say the least. Spot one was NOT the business. But... we indulged in a lil' libation, none the less. Malibu & Pineapple on the rocks. I was drinking that mess like it was Kool-aid... yet STILL never caught a buzz. No real cuties strollin' up in that joint (or in that joint) for that matter, or at least none I didn't already know. So... we're sittin' there chillin'... and in comes a posse of dudes. One of them jokers was BE-U-TI-FUL! The record stopped. Myself and my (2) girlfriends were dayum near salivating over that joker. Convo went like:
Me: WHO is THAT?!!
N&G: Yeah... who is that?!!
Me: Dude was friggin' gorgeous!
N: He still is! *smh*

We determined that his tail was a new recruit for the Broncos. And with that being said... we exited that joint stage left. Ended up at another bar. *sidenote* this bar is now my favorite bar. Anyhoo... it's a smaller joint, size wise but... it was going to serve it's purpose. We walk in and like 12 of our (mine & G's) boys are in that piece. So... we immediately started getting drinks bought for us. This guy walks over to me about 20 minutes in (I figured he was w/ the crew of dudes since I saw him sitting on the edge of their booth). Convo ensues:
Him: I peeped you from across the room & had to come over & speak.
Me: *smile*
Him: I think you are absolutely beautiful.
Me: Awww... thanks. (insert fake smile here)
Him: I'm in real estate and I own my own business.
Me: *blank stare*
Tangent: WHY do men come out of their mouths w/ this foolishness 5.2 seconds into their introduction? I just don't get it. 1st, I never even ASKED what he did. 2nd, now he's trying to sell what he has instead of himself (so he shant be mad if he attracts a gold-digger). And 3rd, this negro hadn't even said what his friggin' NAME was, yet. *smh* TURN OFF. Not that he was a turn on to begin w/ cause... he dayum sure wasn't. Negro had on a ragedy polo shirt, some khaki pants and some black (considerably worn) tennis shoes, an uneven fro, a jacked up grill and all this @ a bar on one of most uppity side of town. Right... *smh* But... now he wanted me to believe this story coming out of his mouth 5.2 seconds into the convo? I think not... but... I digress. I wasn't tryin' to be rude (as I thought he was a friend of someone in the boy crew) so I just let him keep talking. End tangent.
Me: Oh okay.
Him: Yeah... I've come a long way.
Me: Um... okay, Great. So what kind of real estate do you do?
Him: Well... I'm actually about to take the test to get my real estate license.
Me: (*thinking hmmm...*) Yeah, my girl N right here has her license. She's a real estate agent.
Him: Oh really. (N asks him a couple of questions just to test him on real estate)
Him: Am I ugly or something?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: Do you think I'm ugly?
Me: *thinking WTF?! Who asks some *ish like that? This negro CAN'T be serious w/ this *ish. Especially when you're not the cutest pickle in the patch to begin with. Grrr... Is this some kind of trick question. Ugh!
Me: Um... Do YOU think you're ugly?
Him: No... I don't think I'm ugly. *Gasp! then why the fukk ask me that *ish?*
Me: Well if you don't think you're ugly, why do you care what anyone else thinks? If you think you've got it going on, that's all that matters, right?
Him: Yeah.

*Insert my girl G calling my name & me looking over in her direction to random stares from her and a couple of the guys as to WHY I'm talking to this guy?* *smh* I give them the "HELP ME" look, back. lol... I realize that this cat might very well NOT be w/ out w/ our boys afterall. So I ask...

Me: So... are you here w/ these guys?
Him: No. I was just sitting there & then I saw you.
Me: *sigh* (Why me, Lord? Why me?)
Him: So... you don't think I'm ugly?
Me: Didn't we JUST have this conversation?
Him: Well... I can tell you're feeling me, cause you keep touching your arm & running your fingers through your hair.
Me: *Thinking to self... you are SOOOO far off base, you wouldn't know when you're wack as hell EVEN if I had answered... FUKK YEAH your azz is ugly!* Instead I said:
Me: Word? *smh*
Him: So... do you have a man?
Me: Absolutely! (Yes, include the exclamation mark)
Him: Wow. He's at home?
Me: What? You can't believe he let me out the house by myself? *smh*
Him: Yeah... You're just so beautiful.
(*thinking PLEASE stop w/ the cheesyness now*)
Him: So... what are you doing after this?
Me: Going to hang out w/ my girls.
Him: I'd love to take you to breakfast.
Me: Sorry. Maybe another time.
Him: So what, now you can't leave your girls?
Me: For what? I'm grown... but I'm hanging w/ my girls. And have you even mentioned what your NAME is?

He told me & I should have given him a fake name but I didn't. (Slap me now.) I turned to N and she was like, let's go to the bathroom... and we took off QUICK! I was like... did you hear that mo fo ask me if I thought he was ugly (3) x's? Who does that *ish! And then proceeded to say he could tell I was feelin' him? LMBAO! Negative.

So please tell me WHY he was sitting on the couches just outside of the door when we came back in & proceeded to call my name right as I walked by (mind you he was at the opposite end of the bar when we went to the bathroom). Luckily... another one of my boys ran into me & was low key tryin' to holla so I was chattin' it up like a mutha sucka & then all 14 of us walked out together (minus stalker). We hung out outside a bit afterwards, so I think the stalker dude just left (cause I do remember seeing his tail outside).

I started thinking about that mess the next day & determined that dude was probably a serial killer. WTF @ that behavior?

Losing When I Should Be Winning & Vacation...

It's been a minute, I know...
Ive been dealing with something called LIFE... or a lack thereof.

Let me just say... I love and hate this site. I hate the fact that I can't privatize a post after I've posted it. WTH is that about? I hate the fact that there's no protected posting application. Grrrr... And I definitely don't like the fact that this joint is not so user f-in friendly. But... I do like the new atmosphere, I guess. I guess you can't always win, huh? Maybe that's what's wrong with my so called life. I'm used to always winning. But over the last few years... I've been losing like a mutha fucka. (Err... um... sort of.) Losing friends (well, two. one of which I can truly say I don't miss as SHE'S the one who LOST her mind)... losing jobs (laid off twice)... NOT getting the jobs I'm USED to getting and thus questioning (or losing) my fiyah... losing weight, then gaining; then losing again... sometimes just due to stress. Losing money (paycuts are a b!tch). Losing contracts. Losing my creative process. Losing my MIND. Losing w/ men. (Feel free to stop me at anytime =o)...) But... I guess them jokers are losing out on me, right? Losing the fight at keeping my winning swagger in tact (at times) or the up & down's of the taste of starting to win a little bit... only to get knocked back down to the feeling of "I can't win for losing," again. *sigh* I'm losing my patience.

I needed a break.
And so... I took one. In the form of a vacation.

And why not take full advantage of immersing my thoughts (and self) in the benefits, since the day before I was leaving for this vacation, my job let me know that due to budget cuts... my position would be cut. *sigh* Such is life when you're the newest kid on the block.

So... I left and went back to NC w/ Mom's to enjoy this "so-called" life to the best of my ability.
Trip started off on the wrong foot. Missed our flight and Delta charged an additionl $100 to re-book us. WTdoubleF'nHell?! I fly quite often (never on Delta - or at least, not in the last (6) years) and have missed flights and NEVER had to pay extra. So you KNOW I was HELLA salty. Not to mention I had to KEEP calling (3) hours before the next flight to see if there was any availability on the next flight. Finally got us booked on a new flight... and VOILA! off we were to catch this flight. Only to get there an have issues w/ the rental car company (Enterprise). Grrrr... This was NOT off to a good start. All I could do was laugh to keep from losing (yet again) my composure.

Finally got the car thing situated and off we were driving from Raleigh to Wide Awake Wilson. Wilson is soooo country, but it is the stomping ground of both of my parents. It was the location of BOTH family reunions. And honestly, although I could NEVA live there (my cousins constantly try to talk me into believing otherwise), it's starting to grow & become more urban with each visit. Honestly... I don't really care what part of NC I'm visiting short term, as long as there's a freakin' Bojangles Chicken & Bicuits somewhere nearby! I live at that joint. Cheddar'Bo biscuits and a surpreme chicken dinner (chicken strips) w/ the seasoned fries... it's music to my ears EVERYTIME! Although... folks were skimpin' a lil' on the cheese in the cheddar'bo biscuits so... I had to find a new spot to induldge in a cheese biscuit (Flo's) because of the skimping. Dag'gone this friggin' economy! Folks are even cuttin' back on the cheese! I promise you, though... this is not about to turn into a blog about food (for the most part). But know IN ADVANCE that I straight got my grub on!


Night one, I slept my azz off. All the flight & rental car drama whooped me like I stole something. But come that 1st Saturday (the 1st family reunion)... someone was about to get their azz whooped (at the family reunion, no less). Yes, there was a straight Madea's Family reunion event about to happen in that piece. This was the 1st time for this reunion. It was a new reunion for the branch of family on my grandfather's side. The reunion in itself was okay, I guess. (Clearly I didn't know the MAJORITY of these folks to begin with). But come the time to start conducting the "family business," which they conduct towards the end of most family reunions, folks got to actin' the nut. The people holding this reunion didn't really come prepared, as there was no P.A. system & people couldn't really hear for other folks talkin'. At one point they were discussing the who, what, when, why & where's & my aunt B stood up & made a suggestion. The lady upfront replied w/ something smart and all I remember is my cousin E, her daughter, turning to her (about 12 people down) and saying, "You want me to get her or are you going to?" *smh* Yep! Welcome to NC! lmao! (3) of my cousins walked out at this point to get some air. Whoo... I was chuckling to myself something serious. Until... some other no name individual stood up and started yelling (at everyone IN the place) like we were some 2 year old kids... talking about "SIT DOWN and SHUT UP!" because of the background noise while people were speaking. Now THAT'S when my attention was caught and NOT in a good way. She's like... "they told me before I left NY to let these people handle the family reunion. But y'all need to sit down and shut it up. My parents always taught me that when my elders are talking to listen (mind you, she's talking to a group INCLUDING her elders). And how in my day she would neva... (blah, blah, blah). " She then goes on to say, "now if you people don't get it together, I'm going to go to Greenville!" The majority of us had the same thought; Well take your azz to Greenville, then. We don't know who you are as it is!" I told my Mom that there's a tactful way to talk to folks and whomever that person was (my Mom didn't know, either) had plum MISSED the tactful boat. You can't yell at adults and expect them to HEAR your point. Cause all they hear is YELLING. So at this point, I was done, myself. Luckily, the reunion was pretty much over at this point, too. Cause my side of my grandfather's bunch can be slightly crazy. My cousins, aunts & uncles were all like this is the 1st and LAST time we go to this reunion. lmao! Yeah... I really could have missed it, myself. But... I did meet a cousin my Mom had wanted me to meet that lives up in Charlotte (because that's where I'm considering moving to) AND he's a friggin' realtor; so that helps me out in knowing & searching for spots in the area. =o)

Never the less... the rest of my trip was good, too. Had a couple of dates. Met up with some of the old blog heads from Xanga in Charlotte; one whom I've already tripped it to CA with, previously and one who I've talked with on the regular (over the phone) for over (3) years. Good times, there. Initially, my cousin was supposed to be driving down to Charlotte w/ me but... she renegged and I was irritated, at first. Had to talk to myself and say self: we no longer live in fear of the unknown. Sure you're a little hesitant about driving in NC to a place you've never been to, by yourself... but we don't let fear reign in our life. You can't wait for others to do what you can do by yourself. Sometimes... you just have to go it alone. And if Charlotte is indeed a place you'd like to move to, YOU need to go and check it out for yourself! And thus... I mapquested the directions to my girl's house... loaded up the car and bounced, solo. Took me all of 3 hours going, and 2 1/2 coming back. Met up w/ my cousin Fred & his wife (some aggie alumns) & had a good time. I have (3) cousins in Charlotte so I am GEEKED about moving there. Was supposed to meet up w/ a "potential" at some point during my stay in NC, who was driving down from DC. He didn't come (for one reason (or excuse) or another and I REFUSE to chase negro's anymore to get what should be given (the respect of a phone call) and since I'm no longer in the business of making excuses for unacceptable behavior... -----> NEXT! Don't get me wrong we did talk, but like I said in the prior sentence... WHATEV! Life is too short to be wasting on folks who don't put in a valuable effort. And if you're not meeting, beating or exceeding my effort... it's time to bounce. I'm not on strike against men, yet... but negro's will try to take you there. Too bad I love dick to much to cut it out permanently. I'll take happily single over unhappily involved any day, though! Don't get me wrong... some things are worth fighting for or hanging in there. But dayum if I'm hanging in there for someone who hasn't MADE my squad yet in the first place. Boy bye!


Anyhoo... this is long as heck and I'm sure 1/2 of y'all aren't reading it, anyway. Long story short, the 2nd family reunion (the regular July 4th one) was good. The food wasn't but... that's another story. My foine azz cousin was there *sigh* with his non-cute girlfriend. That *ish just had me ALL KINDS OF CONFUSED. I looked at my cousin and said... what do you think of his girlfriend? She said, "she doesn't look like 2 cents." I was like... I didn't think so either. WTH?" To which my cousin repied... "her head game must be off the chain!" *smdh* Preach! Just kidding... not really kidding. My infactuation w/ him was deflated a bit by her presence. Grrr...

Well Aki, hopefully this will suffice as a blog for the next month. Lol. Actually, once I get out of this losing funk, I might post again. I'm reading "17 Things That Are Holding You Back and the Truth That Will Set You Free" now, so... hopefully, I"ll swing out of this funk that seems to fluctuate from day to day here shortly. I'm trying to think positive. I really am. I mean... my luck has got to improve at some point, right? (Don't mind me, I'm just having a day. It really does come and go.) I'm tired of working for the man and I've definitely as of late been questioning whether I really want to work in HR anymore, as well. Oprah says, "Find a way to do something you love and get paid for it!" I've gotta get working on that! (I've got to figure out a way to go shoe shopping for a living! lol!) *high five* I will say that I'm SERIOUSLY considering making the move to Charlotte by the end of the year. I love NC. I have MADD family out there. I get a lot of attention out there , too. I even pulled an asian cat, this go'round. And THAT has NEVER happened. Not even here in CO. But I know I'll have a support system out there. My cousins are beyond anxious for me to move. And honestly... this was the first time in a LONG time that I didn't even want to come back. Had I had my car out there instead of flying, TRUST, I'd STILL be there. Maybe it's because I'm just soooo ready for a fresh start & a fresh perspective. But what I do know and need to get through my thick head is that I can feel like a winner regardless of circumstance. I do know that God is working behind the scenes in my favor and that I'm destined for greatness. I just need to stop the losing thoughts from cockblocking what I already know. It sucks cause I KNOW I never want to be in the position that I've become so accustomed to losing that I don't realize when I'm winning or when I've already won. I've seen it happen to folks. But trust that I'm working on getting me to the point that I want to be. Temporary set backs are only permanent setups for God's favor to reign in your life. =o) Okay... that is all.

Be Blessed!
~BK

P.S. Danie, I haven't forgotten about you. I can't even begin to explain... but thank God for my lifesaver.
P.S.S. In brighter news... Fantasy Football is officially about to be in full effect! Y'all know I'm serious about my fanstasy football. =o)

This post might be removed by the morning. I feel like it's a lil' too personal to be a public blog. I'm still deciding. But... you can always comment via email if it's gone.