Was having a different day, yesterday. Not in the mood to deal w/ anyone elses b.s. and certainly not in the mood to deal w/ my own. Was getting ready to come up in this piece and write a blog that just said:
Fukk effort.
I give up.
The end.
Yet... I didn't do it. Cause I knew I'd feel differently in a couple of days. I hit up JH via text and... in lieu of the tears, he replaced them w/ smiles & laughter. All via words. I heart him. =o) It was just one of those "eff the positive attitude" days. (We can't always be happy). And I didn't want to hear the standard... "Just let it go & give it to God," response either. Thank goodness, he knows this. He's one of the one's who doesn't give you the ol' "conditioned" response, on the regular. The conditioned response works at times, but it's certainly not what you want to hear ALL the time. =o)
So... Nina & I had plans to hit up a business presentation to re-up on old info & jot down any new. I showed up a bit late. In addition to my bad day... my hair was having a bad day of it's own. Grrrr... Cute, but the flat iron wasn't getting as hot as I needed it to. *sigh* Whatev. Threw on a cute summer dress, some heels and bounced. Met up with Nina & lol @ us really not paying the utmost attention to the man speaking. After about 20 minutes, I turned to her & said... "Why are we here?" *smh* She quickly said, "I know. Let's go get something to eat." So... we bounced.
Ran into JH on the way out & cut the shimmy w/ him for a hot minute. He definitely was in the mode to make sure I was still smiling and keeping me out of my funk. Indeed I was. =o) Told him Nina & I were on our way to get something to eat. He noted that he was there w/ "bighead" (RS - his BFF) so... he'd have to wait for him, but inquired where we were going. Nina & I bounced & went to this steakhouse called Ted's. Didn't like the menu, so we left. Went to Applebee's & decided we were too cute to be up in Applebee's so... once again, we bounced. Decided to drop my car back off at my house & take one car and go to our regular spot for after business presentations... The Olive Garden. Although upon entrance, Nina again said... "We're probably too cute for this joint, too." We were starving so... that was the spot, regardless of being too cute. Got seated... RS called & said he & JH were going to meet us up there. Hey... the more the merrier. =o) That convo was all kinds of pg-13, rated-R & x-rated that night. Clearly... we hadn't had one of these nights in a minute. We had a ball, though. I had two strawberry fresco's. I don't know what's in it besides vodka & diced up strawberries... but it was indeed a good look.
The waitress was flirting all up in, around & behind the scenes of RS's grill. After the 3rd time she walked away... I told him, "Ol' girl is feelin' you, quite tough." He replied w/ the cockiness of... "How can she not?" *smh* w/ a bunch of chuckles included. Um... okay. Later on, she was jacking up on something & RS was jokingly like, that's coming out of your tip. She responds with something like... "I was just getting destracted by looking into your big brown eyes." JH was like... okay, Georgia (waitress' name)... you're really tryin' to do something over here, aren't cha?" I couldn't even hold in the chuckles anymore. Hell, none of us could. We all busted up laughing, as we already knew she wanted to get at RS. But after a night of jokes, good conversation, libation (for Nina & I) and business stuff, too... it was just like old times. We hadn't done one of those nights in months. And I was grateful to all of them for trying to ensure that I was having a better day.
Nina & I proceeded to my new favorite bar to have Pomegrante Martini's (that joint was EMPTY). So after drinks and business talk (we're getting *ish together for our flip & other business ventures; both of us are determined to be on our grind & living how we'd like to - sooner than later)... we bounced to bar #2 and to meet up w/ Fred (my ex's frat bruh/BFF). This negro (Fred) comes in lookin' like the winner that he is and we had a drink w/ him (that joint was dead, too) and called it a night. We text'd RS (jokingly) and told him we were coming over to swim & spend the night... to which he said, okay. lmao! Thus... ends the story & the night. Trust me... I was in much better spirits by the time my head hit the pillow. And I'm in a 150% better mood, today. What a difference a day makes. =o)
Be easy...
~BK
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
So....
I've been in a MUCH better mood. =o)
Went out last Saturday & had an interesting time, to say the least. Spot one was NOT the business. But... we indulged in a lil' libation, none the less. Malibu & Pineapple on the rocks. I was drinking that mess like it was Kool-aid... yet STILL never caught a buzz. No real cuties strollin' up in that joint (or in that joint) for that matter, or at least none I didn't already know. So... we're sittin' there chillin'... and in comes a posse of dudes. One of them jokers was BE-U-TI-FUL! The record stopped. Myself and my (2) girlfriends were dayum near salivating over that joker. Convo went like:
Me: WHO is THAT?!!
N&G: Yeah... who is that?!!
Me: Dude was friggin' gorgeous!
N: He still is! *smh*
We determined that his tail was a new recruit for the Broncos. And with that being said... we exited that joint stage left. Ended up at another bar. *sidenote* this bar is now my favorite bar. Anyhoo... it's a smaller joint, size wise but... it was going to serve it's purpose. We walk in and like 12 of our (mine & G's) boys are in that piece. So... we immediately started getting drinks bought for us. This guy walks over to me about 20 minutes in (I figured he was w/ the crew of dudes since I saw him sitting on the edge of their booth). Convo ensues:
Him: I peeped you from across the room & had to come over & speak.
Me: *smile*
Him: I think you are absolutely beautiful.
Me: Awww... thanks. (insert fake smile here)
Him: I'm in real estate and I own my own business.
Me: *blank stare*
Tangent: WHY do men come out of their mouths w/ this foolishness 5.2 seconds into their introduction? I just don't get it. 1st, I never even ASKED what he did. 2nd, now he's trying to sell what he has instead of himself (so he shant be mad if he attracts a gold-digger). And 3rd, this negro hadn't even said what his friggin' NAME was, yet. *smh* TURN OFF. Not that he was a turn on to begin w/ cause... he dayum sure wasn't. Negro had on a ragedy polo shirt, some khaki pants and some black (considerably worn) tennis shoes, an uneven fro, a jacked up grill and all this @ a bar on one of most uppity side of town. Right... *smh* But... now he wanted me to believe this story coming out of his mouth 5.2 seconds into the convo? I think not... but... I digress. I wasn't tryin' to be rude (as I thought he was a friend of someone in the boy crew) so I just let him keep talking. End tangent.
Me: Oh okay.
Him: Yeah... I've come a long way.
Me: Um... okay, Great. So what kind of real estate do you do?
Him: Well... I'm actually about to take the test to get my real estate license.
Me: (*thinking hmmm...*) Yeah, my girl N right here has her license. She's a real estate agent.
Him: Oh really. (N asks him a couple of questions just to test him on real estate)
Him: Am I ugly or something?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: Do you think I'm ugly?
Me: *thinking WTF?! Who asks some *ish like that? This negro CAN'T be serious w/ this *ish. Especially when you're not the cutest pickle in the patch to begin with. Grrr... Is this some kind of trick question. Ugh!
Me: Um... Do YOU think you're ugly?
Him: No... I don't think I'm ugly. *Gasp! then why the fukk ask me that *ish?*
Me: Well if you don't think you're ugly, why do you care what anyone else thinks? If you think you've got it going on, that's all that matters, right?
Him: Yeah.
*Insert my girl G calling my name & me looking over in her direction to random stares from her and a couple of the guys as to WHY I'm talking to this guy?* *smh* I give them the "HELP ME" look, back. lol... I realize that this cat might very well NOT be w/ out w/ our boys afterall. So I ask...
Me: So... are you here w/ these guys?
Him: No. I was just sitting there & then I saw you.
Me: *sigh* (Why me, Lord? Why me?)
Him: So... you don't think I'm ugly?
Me: Didn't we JUST have this conversation?
Him: Well... I can tell you're feeling me, cause you keep touching your arm & running your fingers through your hair.
Me: *Thinking to self... you are SOOOO far off base, you wouldn't know when you're wack as hell EVEN if I had answered... FUKK YEAH your azz is ugly!* Instead I said:
Me: Word? *smh*
Him: So... do you have a man?
Me: Absolutely! (Yes, include the exclamation mark)
Him: Wow. He's at home?
Me: What? You can't believe he let me out the house by myself? *smh*
Him: Yeah... You're just so beautiful.
(*thinking PLEASE stop w/ the cheesyness now*)
Him: So... what are you doing after this?
Me: Going to hang out w/ my girls.
Him: I'd love to take you to breakfast.
Me: Sorry. Maybe another time.
Him: So what, now you can't leave your girls?
Me: For what? I'm grown... but I'm hanging w/ my girls. And have you even mentioned what your NAME is?
He told me & I should have given him a fake name but I didn't. (Slap me now.) I turned to N and she was like, let's go to the bathroom... and we took off QUICK! I was like... did you hear that mo fo ask me if I thought he was ugly (3) x's? Who does that *ish! And then proceeded to say he could tell I was feelin' him? LMBAO! Negative.
So please tell me WHY he was sitting on the couches just outside of the door when we came back in & proceeded to call my name right as I walked by (mind you he was at the opposite end of the bar when we went to the bathroom). Luckily... another one of my boys ran into me & was low key tryin' to holla so I was chattin' it up like a mutha sucka & then all 14 of us walked out together (minus stalker). We hung out outside a bit afterwards, so I think the stalker dude just left (cause I do remember seeing his tail outside).
I started thinking about that mess the next day & determined that dude was probably a serial killer. WTF @ that behavior?
Went out last Saturday & had an interesting time, to say the least. Spot one was NOT the business. But... we indulged in a lil' libation, none the less. Malibu & Pineapple on the rocks. I was drinking that mess like it was Kool-aid... yet STILL never caught a buzz. No real cuties strollin' up in that joint (or in that joint) for that matter, or at least none I didn't already know. So... we're sittin' there chillin'... and in comes a posse of dudes. One of them jokers was BE-U-TI-FUL! The record stopped. Myself and my (2) girlfriends were dayum near salivating over that joker. Convo went like:
Me: WHO is THAT?!!
N&G: Yeah... who is that?!!
Me: Dude was friggin' gorgeous!
N: He still is! *smh*
We determined that his tail was a new recruit for the Broncos. And with that being said... we exited that joint stage left. Ended up at another bar. *sidenote* this bar is now my favorite bar. Anyhoo... it's a smaller joint, size wise but... it was going to serve it's purpose. We walk in and like 12 of our (mine & G's) boys are in that piece. So... we immediately started getting drinks bought for us. This guy walks over to me about 20 minutes in (I figured he was w/ the crew of dudes since I saw him sitting on the edge of their booth). Convo ensues:
Him: I peeped you from across the room & had to come over & speak.
Me: *smile*
Him: I think you are absolutely beautiful.
Me: Awww... thanks. (insert fake smile here)
Him: I'm in real estate and I own my own business.
Me: *blank stare*
Tangent: WHY do men come out of their mouths w/ this foolishness 5.2 seconds into their introduction? I just don't get it. 1st, I never even ASKED what he did. 2nd, now he's trying to sell what he has instead of himself (so he shant be mad if he attracts a gold-digger). And 3rd, this negro hadn't even said what his friggin' NAME was, yet. *smh* TURN OFF. Not that he was a turn on to begin w/ cause... he dayum sure wasn't. Negro had on a ragedy polo shirt, some khaki pants and some black (considerably worn) tennis shoes, an uneven fro, a jacked up grill and all this @ a bar on one of most uppity side of town. Right... *smh* But... now he wanted me to believe this story coming out of his mouth 5.2 seconds into the convo? I think not... but... I digress. I wasn't tryin' to be rude (as I thought he was a friend of someone in the boy crew) so I just let him keep talking. End tangent.
Me: Oh okay.
Him: Yeah... I've come a long way.
Me: Um... okay, Great. So what kind of real estate do you do?
Him: Well... I'm actually about to take the test to get my real estate license.
Me: (*thinking hmmm...*) Yeah, my girl N right here has her license. She's a real estate agent.
Him: Oh really. (N asks him a couple of questions just to test him on real estate)
Him: Am I ugly or something?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: Do you think I'm ugly?
Me: *thinking WTF?! Who asks some *ish like that? This negro CAN'T be serious w/ this *ish. Especially when you're not the cutest pickle in the patch to begin with. Grrr... Is this some kind of trick question. Ugh!
Me: Um... Do YOU think you're ugly?
Him: No... I don't think I'm ugly. *Gasp! then why the fukk ask me that *ish?*
Me: Well if you don't think you're ugly, why do you care what anyone else thinks? If you think you've got it going on, that's all that matters, right?
Him: Yeah.
*Insert my girl G calling my name & me looking over in her direction to random stares from her and a couple of the guys as to WHY I'm talking to this guy?* *smh* I give them the "HELP ME" look, back. lol... I realize that this cat might very well NOT be w/ out w/ our boys afterall. So I ask...
Me: So... are you here w/ these guys?
Him: No. I was just sitting there & then I saw you.
Me: *sigh* (Why me, Lord? Why me?)
Him: So... you don't think I'm ugly?
Me: Didn't we JUST have this conversation?
Him: Well... I can tell you're feeling me, cause you keep touching your arm & running your fingers through your hair.
Me: *Thinking to self... you are SOOOO far off base, you wouldn't know when you're wack as hell EVEN if I had answered... FUKK YEAH your azz is ugly!* Instead I said:
Me: Word? *smh*
Him: So... do you have a man?
Me: Absolutely! (Yes, include the exclamation mark)
Him: Wow. He's at home?
Me: What? You can't believe he let me out the house by myself? *smh*
Him: Yeah... You're just so beautiful.
(*thinking PLEASE stop w/ the cheesyness now*)
Him: So... what are you doing after this?
Me: Going to hang out w/ my girls.
Him: I'd love to take you to breakfast.
Me: Sorry. Maybe another time.
Him: So what, now you can't leave your girls?
Me: For what? I'm grown... but I'm hanging w/ my girls. And have you even mentioned what your NAME is?
He told me & I should have given him a fake name but I didn't. (Slap me now.) I turned to N and she was like, let's go to the bathroom... and we took off QUICK! I was like... did you hear that mo fo ask me if I thought he was ugly (3) x's? Who does that *ish! And then proceeded to say he could tell I was feelin' him? LMBAO! Negative.
So please tell me WHY he was sitting on the couches just outside of the door when we came back in & proceeded to call my name right as I walked by (mind you he was at the opposite end of the bar when we went to the bathroom). Luckily... another one of my boys ran into me & was low key tryin' to holla so I was chattin' it up like a mutha sucka & then all 14 of us walked out together (minus stalker). We hung out outside a bit afterwards, so I think the stalker dude just left (cause I do remember seeing his tail outside).
I started thinking about that mess the next day & determined that dude was probably a serial killer. WTF @ that behavior?
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Losing When I Should Be Winning & Vacation...
It's been a minute, I know...
Ive been dealing with something called LIFE... or a lack thereof.
Let me just say... I love and hate this site. I hate the fact that I can't privatize a post after I've posted it. WTH is that about? I hate the fact that there's no protected posting application. Grrrr... And I definitely don't like the fact that this joint is not so user f-in friendly. But... I do like the new atmosphere, I guess. I guess you can't always win, huh? Maybe that's what's wrong with my so called life. I'm used to always winning. But over the last few years... I've been losing like a mutha fucka. (Err... um... sort of.) Losing friends (well, two. one of which I can truly say I don't miss as SHE'S the one who LOST her mind)... losing jobs (laid off twice)... NOT getting the jobs I'm USED to getting and thus questioning (or losing) my fiyah... losing weight, then gaining; then losing again... sometimes just due to stress. Losing money (paycuts are a b!tch). Losing contracts. Losing my creative process. Losing my MIND. Losing w/ men. (Feel free to stop me at anytime =o)...) But... I guess them jokers are losing out on me, right? Losing the fight at keeping my winning swagger in tact (at times) or the up & down's of the taste of starting to win a little bit... only to get knocked back down to the feeling of "I can't win for losing," again. *sigh* I'm losing my patience.
I needed a break.
And so... I took one. In the form of a vacation.
And why not take full advantage of immersing my thoughts (and self) in the benefits, since the day before I was leaving for this vacation, my job let me know that due to budget cuts... my position would be cut. *sigh* Such is life when you're the newest kid on the block.
So... I left and went back to NC w/ Mom's to enjoy this "so-called" life to the best of my ability.
Trip started off on the wrong foot. Missed our flight and Delta charged an additionl $100 to re-book us. WTdoubleF'nHell?! I fly quite often (never on Delta - or at least, not in the last (6) years) and have missed flights and NEVER had to pay extra. So you KNOW I was HELLA salty. Not to mention I had to KEEP calling (3) hours before the next flight to see if there was any availability on the next flight. Finally got us booked on a new flight... and VOILA! off we were to catch this flight. Only to get there an have issues w/ the rental car company (Enterprise). Grrrr... This was NOT off to a good start. All I could do was laugh to keep from losing (yet again) my composure.
Finally got the car thing situated and off we were driving from Raleigh to Wide Awake Wilson. Wilson is soooo country, but it is the stomping ground of both of my parents. It was the location of BOTH family reunions. And honestly, although I could NEVA live there (my cousins constantly try to talk me into believing otherwise), it's starting to grow & become more urban with each visit. Honestly... I don't really care what part of NC I'm visiting short term, as long as there's a freakin' Bojangles Chicken & Bicuits somewhere nearby! I live at that joint. Cheddar'Bo biscuits and a surpreme chicken dinner (chicken strips) w/ the seasoned fries... it's music to my ears EVERYTIME! Although... folks were skimpin' a lil' on the cheese in the cheddar'bo biscuits so... I had to find a new spot to induldge in a cheese biscuit (Flo's) because of the skimping. Dag'gone this friggin' economy! Folks are even cuttin' back on the cheese! I promise you, though... this is not about to turn into a blog about food (for the most part). But know IN ADVANCE that I straight got my grub on!
Night one, I slept my azz off. All the flight & rental car drama whooped me like I stole something. But come that 1st Saturday (the 1st family reunion)... someone was about to get their azz whooped (at the family reunion, no less). Yes, there was a straight Madea's Family reunion event about to happen in that piece. This was the 1st time for this reunion. It was a new reunion for the branch of family on my grandfather's side. The reunion in itself was okay, I guess. (Clearly I didn't know the MAJORITY of these folks to begin with). But come the time to start conducting the "family business," which they conduct towards the end of most family reunions, folks got to actin' the nut. The people holding this reunion didn't really come prepared, as there was no P.A. system & people couldn't really hear for other folks talkin'. At one point they were discussing the who, what, when, why & where's & my aunt B stood up & made a suggestion. The lady upfront replied w/ something smart and all I remember is my cousin E, her daughter, turning to her (about 12 people down) and saying, "You want me to get her or are you going to?" *smh* Yep! Welcome to NC! lmao! (3) of my cousins walked out at this point to get some air. Whoo... I was chuckling to myself something serious. Until... some other no name individual stood up and started yelling (at everyone IN the place) like we were some 2 year old kids... talking about "SIT DOWN and SHUT UP!" because of the background noise while people were speaking. Now THAT'S when my attention was caught and NOT in a good way. She's like... "they told me before I left NY to let these people handle the family reunion. But y'all need to sit down and shut it up. My parents always taught me that when my elders are talking to listen (mind you, she's talking to a group INCLUDING her elders). And how in my day she would neva... (blah, blah, blah). " She then goes on to say, "now if you people don't get it together, I'm going to go to Greenville!" The majority of us had the same thought; Well take your azz to Greenville, then. We don't know who you are as it is!" I told my Mom that there's a tactful way to talk to folks and whomever that person was (my Mom didn't know, either) had plum MISSED the tactful boat. You can't yell at adults and expect them to HEAR your point. Cause all they hear is YELLING. So at this point, I was done, myself. Luckily, the reunion was pretty much over at this point, too. Cause my side of my grandfather's bunch can be slightly crazy. My cousins, aunts & uncles were all like this is the 1st and LAST time we go to this reunion. lmao! Yeah... I really could have missed it, myself. But... I did meet a cousin my Mom had wanted me to meet that lives up in Charlotte (because that's where I'm considering moving to) AND he's a friggin' realtor; so that helps me out in knowing & searching for spots in the area. =o)
Never the less... the rest of my trip was good, too. Had a couple of dates. Met up with some of the old blog heads from Xanga in Charlotte; one whom I've already tripped it to CA with, previously and one who I've talked with on the regular (over the phone) for over (3) years. Good times, there. Initially, my cousin was supposed to be driving down to Charlotte w/ me but... she renegged and I was irritated, at first. Had to talk to myself and say self: we no longer live in fear of the unknown. Sure you're a little hesitant about driving in NC to a place you've never been to, by yourself... but we don't let fear reign in our life. You can't wait for others to do what you can do by yourself. Sometimes... you just have to go it alone. And if Charlotte is indeed a place you'd like to move to, YOU need to go and check it out for yourself! And thus... I mapquested the directions to my girl's house... loaded up the car and bounced, solo. Took me all of 3 hours going, and 2 1/2 coming back. Met up w/ my cousin Fred & his wife (some aggie alumns) & had a good time. I have (3) cousins in Charlotte so I am GEEKED about moving there. Was supposed to meet up w/ a "potential" at some point during my stay in NC, who was driving down from DC. He didn't come (for one reason (or excuse) or another and I REFUSE to chase negro's anymore to get what should be given (the respect of a phone call) and since I'm no longer in the business of making excuses for unacceptable behavior... -----> NEXT! Don't get me wrong we did talk, but like I said in the prior sentence... WHATEV! Life is too short to be wasting on folks who don't put in a valuable effort. And if you're not meeting, beating or exceeding my effort... it's time to bounce. I'm not on strike against men, yet... but negro's will try to take you there. Too bad I love dick to much to cut it out permanently. I'll take happily single over unhappily involved any day, though! Don't get me wrong... some things are worth fighting for or hanging in there. But dayum if I'm hanging in there for someone who hasn't MADE my squad yet in the first place. Boy bye!
Anyhoo... this is long as heck and I'm sure 1/2 of y'all aren't reading it, anyway. Long story short, the 2nd family reunion (the regular July 4th one) was good. The food wasn't but... that's another story. My foine azz cousin was there *sigh* with his non-cute girlfriend. That *ish just had me ALL KINDS OF CONFUSED. I looked at my cousin and said... what do you think of his girlfriend? She said, "she doesn't look like 2 cents." I was like... I didn't think so either. WTH?" To which my cousin repied... "her head game must be off the chain!" *smdh* Preach! Just kidding... not really kidding. My infactuation w/ him was deflated a bit by her presence. Grrr...
Well Aki, hopefully this will suffice as a blog for the next month. Lol. Actually, once I get out of this losing funk, I might post again. I'm reading "17 Things That Are Holding You Back and the Truth That Will Set You Free" now, so... hopefully, I"ll swing out of this funk that seems to fluctuate from day to day here shortly. I'm trying to think positive. I really am. I mean... my luck has got to improve at some point, right? (Don't mind me, I'm just having a day. It really does come and go.) I'm tired of working for the man and I've definitely as of late been questioning whether I really want to work in HR anymore, as well. Oprah says, "Find a way to do something you love and get paid for it!" I've gotta get working on that! (I've got to figure out a way to go shoe shopping for a living! lol!) *high five* I will say that I'm SERIOUSLY considering making the move to Charlotte by the end of the year. I love NC. I have MADD family out there. I get a lot of attention out there , too. I even pulled an asian cat, this go'round. And THAT has NEVER happened. Not even here in CO. But I know I'll have a support system out there. My cousins are beyond anxious for me to move. And honestly... this was the first time in a LONG time that I didn't even want to come back. Had I had my car out there instead of flying, TRUST, I'd STILL be there. Maybe it's because I'm just soooo ready for a fresh start & a fresh perspective. But what I do know and need to get through my thick head is that I can feel like a winner regardless of circumstance. I do know that God is working behind the scenes in my favor and that I'm destined for greatness. I just need to stop the losing thoughts from cockblocking what I already know. It sucks cause I KNOW I never want to be in the position that I've become so accustomed to losing that I don't realize when I'm winning or when I've already won. I've seen it happen to folks. But trust that I'm working on getting me to the point that I want to be. Temporary set backs are only permanent setups for God's favor to reign in your life. =o) Okay... that is all.
Be Blessed!
~BK
P.S. Danie, I haven't forgotten about you. I can't even begin to explain... but thank God for my lifesaver.
P.S.S. In brighter news... Fantasy Football is officially about to be in full effect! Y'all know I'm serious about my fanstasy football. =o)
This post might be removed by the morning. I feel like it's a lil' too personal to be a public blog. I'm still deciding. But... you can always comment via email if it's gone.
Ive been dealing with something called LIFE... or a lack thereof.
Let me just say... I love and hate this site. I hate the fact that I can't privatize a post after I've posted it. WTH is that about? I hate the fact that there's no protected posting application. Grrrr... And I definitely don't like the fact that this joint is not so user f-in friendly. But... I do like the new atmosphere, I guess. I guess you can't always win, huh? Maybe that's what's wrong with my so called life. I'm used to always winning. But over the last few years... I've been losing like a mutha fucka. (Err... um... sort of.) Losing friends (well, two. one of which I can truly say I don't miss as SHE'S the one who LOST her mind)... losing jobs (laid off twice)... NOT getting the jobs I'm USED to getting and thus questioning (or losing) my fiyah... losing weight, then gaining; then losing again... sometimes just due to stress. Losing money (paycuts are a b!tch). Losing contracts. Losing my creative process. Losing my MIND. Losing w/ men. (Feel free to stop me at anytime =o)...) But... I guess them jokers are losing out on me, right? Losing the fight at keeping my winning swagger in tact (at times) or the up & down's of the taste of starting to win a little bit... only to get knocked back down to the feeling of "I can't win for losing," again. *sigh* I'm losing my patience.
I needed a break.
And so... I took one. In the form of a vacation.
And why not take full advantage of immersing my thoughts (and self) in the benefits, since the day before I was leaving for this vacation, my job let me know that due to budget cuts... my position would be cut. *sigh* Such is life when you're the newest kid on the block.
So... I left and went back to NC w/ Mom's to enjoy this "so-called" life to the best of my ability.
Trip started off on the wrong foot. Missed our flight and Delta charged an additionl $100 to re-book us. WTdoubleF'nHell?! I fly quite often (never on Delta - or at least, not in the last (6) years) and have missed flights and NEVER had to pay extra. So you KNOW I was HELLA salty. Not to mention I had to KEEP calling (3) hours before the next flight to see if there was any availability on the next flight. Finally got us booked on a new flight... and VOILA! off we were to catch this flight. Only to get there an have issues w/ the rental car company (Enterprise). Grrrr... This was NOT off to a good start. All I could do was laugh to keep from losing (yet again) my composure.
Finally got the car thing situated and off we were driving from Raleigh to Wide Awake Wilson. Wilson is soooo country, but it is the stomping ground of both of my parents. It was the location of BOTH family reunions. And honestly, although I could NEVA live there (my cousins constantly try to talk me into believing otherwise), it's starting to grow & become more urban with each visit. Honestly... I don't really care what part of NC I'm visiting short term, as long as there's a freakin' Bojangles Chicken & Bicuits somewhere nearby! I live at that joint. Cheddar'Bo biscuits and a surpreme chicken dinner (chicken strips) w/ the seasoned fries... it's music to my ears EVERYTIME! Although... folks were skimpin' a lil' on the cheese in the cheddar'bo biscuits so... I had to find a new spot to induldge in a cheese biscuit (Flo's) because of the skimping. Dag'gone this friggin' economy! Folks are even cuttin' back on the cheese! I promise you, though... this is not about to turn into a blog about food (for the most part). But know IN ADVANCE that I straight got my grub on!
Night one, I slept my azz off. All the flight & rental car drama whooped me like I stole something. But come that 1st Saturday (the 1st family reunion)... someone was about to get their azz whooped (at the family reunion, no less). Yes, there was a straight Madea's Family reunion event about to happen in that piece. This was the 1st time for this reunion. It was a new reunion for the branch of family on my grandfather's side. The reunion in itself was okay, I guess. (Clearly I didn't know the MAJORITY of these folks to begin with). But come the time to start conducting the "family business," which they conduct towards the end of most family reunions, folks got to actin' the nut. The people holding this reunion didn't really come prepared, as there was no P.A. system & people couldn't really hear for other folks talkin'. At one point they were discussing the who, what, when, why & where's & my aunt B stood up & made a suggestion. The lady upfront replied w/ something smart and all I remember is my cousin E, her daughter, turning to her (about 12 people down) and saying, "You want me to get her or are you going to?" *smh* Yep! Welcome to NC! lmao! (3) of my cousins walked out at this point to get some air. Whoo... I was chuckling to myself something serious. Until... some other no name individual stood up and started yelling (at everyone IN the place) like we were some 2 year old kids... talking about "SIT DOWN and SHUT UP!" because of the background noise while people were speaking. Now THAT'S when my attention was caught and NOT in a good way. She's like... "they told me before I left NY to let these people handle the family reunion. But y'all need to sit down and shut it up. My parents always taught me that when my elders are talking to listen (mind you, she's talking to a group INCLUDING her elders). And how in my day she would neva... (blah, blah, blah). " She then goes on to say, "now if you people don't get it together, I'm going to go to Greenville!" The majority of us had the same thought; Well take your azz to Greenville, then. We don't know who you are as it is!" I told my Mom that there's a tactful way to talk to folks and whomever that person was (my Mom didn't know, either) had plum MISSED the tactful boat. You can't yell at adults and expect them to HEAR your point. Cause all they hear is YELLING. So at this point, I was done, myself. Luckily, the reunion was pretty much over at this point, too. Cause my side of my grandfather's bunch can be slightly crazy. My cousins, aunts & uncles were all like this is the 1st and LAST time we go to this reunion. lmao! Yeah... I really could have missed it, myself. But... I did meet a cousin my Mom had wanted me to meet that lives up in Charlotte (because that's where I'm considering moving to) AND he's a friggin' realtor; so that helps me out in knowing & searching for spots in the area. =o)
Never the less... the rest of my trip was good, too. Had a couple of dates. Met up with some of the old blog heads from Xanga in Charlotte; one whom I've already tripped it to CA with, previously and one who I've talked with on the regular (over the phone) for over (3) years. Good times, there. Initially, my cousin was supposed to be driving down to Charlotte w/ me but... she renegged and I was irritated, at first. Had to talk to myself and say self: we no longer live in fear of the unknown. Sure you're a little hesitant about driving in NC to a place you've never been to, by yourself... but we don't let fear reign in our life. You can't wait for others to do what you can do by yourself. Sometimes... you just have to go it alone. And if Charlotte is indeed a place you'd like to move to, YOU need to go and check it out for yourself! And thus... I mapquested the directions to my girl's house... loaded up the car and bounced, solo. Took me all of 3 hours going, and 2 1/2 coming back. Met up w/ my cousin Fred & his wife (some aggie alumns) & had a good time. I have (3) cousins in Charlotte so I am GEEKED about moving there. Was supposed to meet up w/ a "potential" at some point during my stay in NC, who was driving down from DC. He didn't come (for one reason (or excuse) or another and I REFUSE to chase negro's anymore to get what should be given (the respect of a phone call) and since I'm no longer in the business of making excuses for unacceptable behavior... -----> NEXT! Don't get me wrong we did talk, but like I said in the prior sentence... WHATEV! Life is too short to be wasting on folks who don't put in a valuable effort. And if you're not meeting, beating or exceeding my effort... it's time to bounce. I'm not on strike against men, yet... but negro's will try to take you there. Too bad I love dick to much to cut it out permanently. I'll take happily single over unhappily involved any day, though! Don't get me wrong... some things are worth fighting for or hanging in there. But dayum if I'm hanging in there for someone who hasn't MADE my squad yet in the first place. Boy bye!
Anyhoo... this is long as heck and I'm sure 1/2 of y'all aren't reading it, anyway. Long story short, the 2nd family reunion (the regular July 4th one) was good. The food wasn't but... that's another story. My foine azz cousin was there *sigh* with his non-cute girlfriend. That *ish just had me ALL KINDS OF CONFUSED. I looked at my cousin and said... what do you think of his girlfriend? She said, "she doesn't look like 2 cents." I was like... I didn't think so either. WTH?" To which my cousin repied... "her head game must be off the chain!" *smdh* Preach! Just kidding... not really kidding. My infactuation w/ him was deflated a bit by her presence. Grrr...
Well Aki, hopefully this will suffice as a blog for the next month. Lol. Actually, once I get out of this losing funk, I might post again. I'm reading "17 Things That Are Holding You Back and the Truth That Will Set You Free" now, so... hopefully, I"ll swing out of this funk that seems to fluctuate from day to day here shortly. I'm trying to think positive. I really am. I mean... my luck has got to improve at some point, right? (Don't mind me, I'm just having a day. It really does come and go.) I'm tired of working for the man and I've definitely as of late been questioning whether I really want to work in HR anymore, as well. Oprah says, "Find a way to do something you love and get paid for it!" I've gotta get working on that! (I've got to figure out a way to go shoe shopping for a living! lol!) *high five* I will say that I'm SERIOUSLY considering making the move to Charlotte by the end of the year. I love NC. I have MADD family out there. I get a lot of attention out there , too. I even pulled an asian cat, this go'round. And THAT has NEVER happened. Not even here in CO. But I know I'll have a support system out there. My cousins are beyond anxious for me to move. And honestly... this was the first time in a LONG time that I didn't even want to come back. Had I had my car out there instead of flying, TRUST, I'd STILL be there. Maybe it's because I'm just soooo ready for a fresh start & a fresh perspective. But what I do know and need to get through my thick head is that I can feel like a winner regardless of circumstance. I do know that God is working behind the scenes in my favor and that I'm destined for greatness. I just need to stop the losing thoughts from cockblocking what I already know. It sucks cause I KNOW I never want to be in the position that I've become so accustomed to losing that I don't realize when I'm winning or when I've already won. I've seen it happen to folks. But trust that I'm working on getting me to the point that I want to be. Temporary set backs are only permanent setups for God's favor to reign in your life. =o) Okay... that is all.
Be Blessed!
~BK
P.S. Danie, I haven't forgotten about you. I can't even begin to explain... but thank God for my lifesaver.
P.S.S. In brighter news... Fantasy Football is officially about to be in full effect! Y'all know I'm serious about my fanstasy football. =o)
This post might be removed by the morning. I feel like it's a lil' too personal to be a public blog. I'm still deciding. But... you can always comment via email if it's gone.
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