It's been a minute...
but, I'm about to get it crackin' up in here, again.
Gonna be an editor for a new & upcoming online magazine...
http://www.urbaneperspectivemag.com
Login & sign up for the mailing list. =o) The launch is this month!
Be back later w/ the rest of my blog...
I started typing it earlier in the week, but have yet to finish. =o( Changing up my email distro and going to revamp this page. =o) It's long overdue. But I'm on the long road back to home; my writing. Stay tuned...
Be Blessed,
~BK
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Out with the old, In with the new...
Didn't know initially if I was going to share this read on my blog. A couple of you have already read it via email. But I rec'd so many nice replies that it really had a sistah a lil' choked up & emotional. But after talking to my baby sis about it, I decided to share. It's lengthy... but as Nabs told me the last night, the longer the better! lol...
My 2008 in Review....
Wow... what a year it's been. I haven't had this rough a year in all of my existence. But the one thing I'm grateful for... is after being knocked down, torn down & even beat down with fear, doubt & emotions... I was/am STILL able to get up, shake the dust off, LEARN from it & keep moving forward. Is it easy? Not always. But that's one of the lesson's I've learned. It's okay to get down, yes. But it's NOT okay to stay there.
My year started out w/ me unemployed. And not just unemployed, but unemployed for the 1st 4 1/2 months, carried over from the last month of 2007. If you would have ever asked me if I saw that coming, I would have wholeheartedly shot you down. Out of work for 5 1/2 months? Never. Yet... there I was. Strugglin'. And in ways I've never struggled before. I was on a roller coaster ride of widespread emotions. I'd talk myself up & out of my funk... and then let uncertainty & doubt carry me right back into it. I remember writing in my blog about losing when I should be winning (in the middle of the year). I wrote:
"I guess you can't always win, huh? Maybe that's what's wrong with my so called life. I'm used to always winning. But over the last few years... I've been losing like a mutha sucka. (Err... um... sort of.) Losing friends (well, two. One of which I can truly say I don't miss as SHE'S the one who LOST her mind)... losing jobs (laid off twice)... NOT getting the jobs I'm USED to getting and thus questioning (or losing) my fiyah... losing weight, then gaining; then losing again... sometimes just due to stress. Losing money (pay cuts are a b!tch). Losing contracts. Losing my creative process. Losing my MIND. Losing w/ men. (Feel free to stop me at anytime =o)...) But... I guess them jokers are losing out on me, right? Losing the fight at keeping my winning swagger in tact (at times) or the up & down's of the taste of starting to win a little bit... only to get knocked back down to the feeling of "I can't win for losing," again. *sigh* I'm losing my patience."
Wow. Self reflection will fuel your fire to keep going, no? =o) But, I can't tell you how many "How did I get here" moments... and "Come to Jesus meetings" of self reflection I had w/ myself during the year. *sigh*
Ended up with a serious case of the flu. And as a matter of fact, thought I was going to die. I have NEVER been that sick in my life. Couple that w/ the fact that I was unemployed & uninsured, it took the meaning of a double edged sword to a whole different level. Imagine that... me, uninsured. Yeah, well... I couldn't. Didn't want to go to the ER, either. All because I couldn't fathom racking up a massive bill for a trip to that joint. But... I couldn't breathe. My choices were die or live. Or at least, so I thought. I obviously chose the latter. Imagine my pride coming full circle when the nurse came in to see me & asked, "What type of insurance I had?" *smh* Geeze... I had to muster up the strength to say, "None." And my surprise when she responded to me with, "That's okay." They're running tests & hooking me up to a breathing machine. The lady comes back & says they're going to be doing (3) chest x-rays. I kid you not, when I tell you that the first thing that was going through my head was to ask her... "Um, how much for a chest x-ray? And did I really need (3) as opposed to (1)?" But they needed to make sure the flu hadn't turned into Pneumonia. In the end, I can't even begin to express the level of my gratefulness on how much my bill was. Or the fact that I ended up being okay. But once again, God was blessing me in the midst of my storm.
That wouldn't be my only trip to the ER in 08. Ended back in the ER in August for a rash on my foot. Something so minute turned into something huge, as I apparently was having an allergic reaction to the fungus in the rash - which brought on more things to deal with. My face & eyes were swelling like crazy, the reaction I developed had my hands, feet, elbows, arms & knees breaking out w/ these clusters that sent me into over-stressed mode. I ultimately was put on anti-fungal creams, anti-bacterial meds, steroid creams & benadryl. My blood pressure shot up to an extremely unsafe level - because stress was beatin' me up like I stole something... And I didn't even know it.
I took a contract gig, only to get let go due to "budget cuts" (clearly the economy wasn't getting better) and the 2nd one, just to have an income coming in while I figured out my next move. It was time to bat down & switch up from the... "How did I get to this point" reflections, to "How do I get from/beyond this point" actions. =o)
I will say that I had some great friends step up. Mentally, financially... encouraging, motivating, supporting, loving... you name it. The circle was small, but big in strength, determination & direction. I lost a few close friends in '08 (and the end of '07). And going into the start of '08, that stuff was weighing on my heart. Substantially. I kept praying... talking to God about it... And finally asked him to show me if it was me or how to deal with it. Of course my ride or dyer's were like... "Screw them tricks!" But... I was looking for deeper words, I guess. And I was at a contract gig reading Joel Osteen's book, 'Become A Better You' when I stumbled across an excerpt called "the gift of good-bye." That means when somebody who is pulling you down chooses to leave, you may not realize it, but he/she just did you a great favor. Don't look back; instead keep looking forward. Get ready for the new thing God wants to do in your life. When somebody leaves your life or a relationship is over--don't get upset. Don't try to talk them into staying. Let God do the new thing. Understand that your destiny is not tied to the people who walk away from you. And as the tears were rolling down my face, I realized that that was the word I was asking God to give me in order to release the weight of those lost friendships that was weighing on my heart. And I still apply it to this day. People will treat you any ol' kind of way, if you let them. And you can never change what you tolerate. As long as you accept it & accommodate it, you're going to stay right where you are. There obviously was more to that chapter, but seeing though I wasn't trying to make this "2008 review" a book & it's already moving in that direction, I need to cut this short. =o)
I will say, however, that going to see "Sex In the City" w/ one of my girls & some of her homegirls... had me reveling in the fact about how those chicks, both on the screen & in my presence, had each other's back through the ups & downs. They fought ... but always found a way to find their way back to that friendship. I remember my girl texting me the next day to say "thanks" for hanging out with them & me responding w/ how nice it was to see her & her girls sustain their friendships after all these years and how nice it has been to watch them grow over the years in those friendships; cause I'd been there through their ups & downs. Did it make me reminisce about some of my old friendships? Of course. Especially the one that was my fault, per se, in falling by the wayside.
But what I do know is... when someone steps back, another steps up. And for those who stepped up & weathered the storm w/ me during my rough patch in '08, I'm beyond grateful. Whether it was something you deem big or small - I deem it a blessing. I gained humility & learned to be humble. =o) If you're reading this by email, or maybe even by blog, chances are you've touched my life in some way, shape or form in '08. Even if you've been or are acting like an azz, there's something I've learned from you or something I'm grateful to you for. Because if there's one thing I've learned over time, it's that friendship isn't always constant or consistent, but we are hopefully always growing consistently as individuals. I've grown enough to say "thanks" even when it might not be warranted or deserved at this point, because at some point, it was. And whether we're friends or not, I'm grateful to anyone who has added quality to my life along my journey.
You know, I woke up this morning & watched "The Pursuit of Happyness". Considering I've owned the book since before the movie came out & never read the joint and bought the movie for Christmas & still haven't opened it, it was PAST time to see the movie. What a message. But you know... the part that hit me was this man's unwavering determination. I listened to him say... that when he was young & he'd get an 'A' on a history test or whatever, he'd get this good feeling about all the things he could be... and then never become any of them. Sadly... I fit that bill, at times. You can always relate to a message, when you see yourself in it.
When Will (Chris) got the job at the end of the movie, I was in tears before he was. All because someone saw his determination and believed in him enough to give him an opportunity. As I wrap this up, let me just say that God never performs His greatest feats in your yesterdays. So obviously this means things are looking up for me. =o) You can't have great victories without having difficult battles. You'll never have a great testimony without going through a few tests. I've got a few things up my sleeve for '09 & I'm excited about it. While watching Oprah a couple of days ago, she had people take the 'Happiness Test'. It's a series of (5) questions in which you could score a 1 - 7. 7 being the highest on each question. I'm not going to tell you what I got, but I guessed two of the three people on stage that scored a 34 or higher on their happiness test. And after listening to the last guy speak, the oldest-who was also a funeral home director, and two of the others, I realized that I'm going to stop letting circumstances determine my happiness factor. The man said something that anyone could carry with them in life, when asked about his level of happiness. He said (not exactly verbatim), people equate happiness to success or success to money, when what it's really about is significance. I was nodding my head in agreement. Have you ever had someone make you feel insignificant? Or given up on you? Wowzers. That mess can sting. But when someone has made you feel like you're significant or has made a significant difference in adding something to your life, it's a helluva feeling. And I've learned that people won't always remember what you say... but they will always remember how you made them feel. Some of you have made a bigger difference in my life than you could ever imagine. All because you supported me, believed in me enough to grant me an opportunity, or never stopped believing in me to begin with. Trust, I appreciate it.
As I finally wrap this up (I'm sure some of you are saying... FINALLY!) lol... Let me include the fact that there were definitely some ups in 2008. =o) I was a delegate for Obama on the House District, County & State level (yes, THREE times!)... and he WON! Got a new gig--complete w/ a fabulous boss, rekindled some old friendships, caught up w/ blogging buddies on my business trips to Cali & vacationing in NC, I stopped trying to con myself into liking someone who was annoying on many levels, couldn't go to the movies right AND also wore sugah short running shorts to run in (sorry I couldn't resist throwing that one in there) - just because he was a "nice" guy. *smh* I know I just finished talking about "significance" but... ALL of those things were a SIGNIFICANT distraction... and you really haven't heard the 1/2 of it. Checked out Charlotte, NC to see if I want to move there; I love it! Got flown to Cali and Vegas by friends, my favorite co-worker (and friend) had her baby prematurely, but healthy, became a god-mother to (2) of my cousins, road-tripped it w/ my favorite person--my mom, my nephew got out of the terrible twos & turned 3, no deaths in my immediate family, got to see my favorite uncle for the first time in some years, I lasted an entire football season w/out competing in fantasy football (wowzers! that's BIG!), started blogging again, listened to, watched & learned from successful people, and discovered the fabulousness that is El Torito in Cali. lol... Just to name a few.
Anyhoo... I've never done a year in review this in depth that I even felt like sharing; if I've even done one at all. And if you've made it this far in the read, you really are a trooper. =o) I just started writing and... more so for a blog than an email; yet somehow it feels a lil' like a testimony. lol...
Regardless... Infinite blessings are wished to each of you in this new year. And remember, if you have the right attitude, you will give birth to more in the future than you've lost in the past. Here's to 2009 and a new set of goals & accomplishments!
Be Blessed,
~BK
My 2008 in Review....
Wow... what a year it's been. I haven't had this rough a year in all of my existence. But the one thing I'm grateful for... is after being knocked down, torn down & even beat down with fear, doubt & emotions... I was/am STILL able to get up, shake the dust off, LEARN from it & keep moving forward. Is it easy? Not always. But that's one of the lesson's I've learned. It's okay to get down, yes. But it's NOT okay to stay there.
My year started out w/ me unemployed. And not just unemployed, but unemployed for the 1st 4 1/2 months, carried over from the last month of 2007. If you would have ever asked me if I saw that coming, I would have wholeheartedly shot you down. Out of work for 5 1/2 months? Never. Yet... there I was. Strugglin'. And in ways I've never struggled before. I was on a roller coaster ride of widespread emotions. I'd talk myself up & out of my funk... and then let uncertainty & doubt carry me right back into it. I remember writing in my blog about losing when I should be winning (in the middle of the year). I wrote:
"I guess you can't always win, huh? Maybe that's what's wrong with my so called life. I'm used to always winning. But over the last few years... I've been losing like a mutha sucka. (Err... um... sort of.) Losing friends (well, two. One of which I can truly say I don't miss as SHE'S the one who LOST her mind)... losing jobs (laid off twice)... NOT getting the jobs I'm USED to getting and thus questioning (or losing) my fiyah... losing weight, then gaining; then losing again... sometimes just due to stress. Losing money (pay cuts are a b!tch). Losing contracts. Losing my creative process. Losing my MIND. Losing w/ men. (Feel free to stop me at anytime =o)...) But... I guess them jokers are losing out on me, right? Losing the fight at keeping my winning swagger in tact (at times) or the up & down's of the taste of starting to win a little bit... only to get knocked back down to the feeling of "I can't win for losing," again. *sigh* I'm losing my patience."
Wow. Self reflection will fuel your fire to keep going, no? =o) But, I can't tell you how many "How did I get here" moments... and "Come to Jesus meetings" of self reflection I had w/ myself during the year. *sigh*
Ended up with a serious case of the flu. And as a matter of fact, thought I was going to die. I have NEVER been that sick in my life. Couple that w/ the fact that I was unemployed & uninsured, it took the meaning of a double edged sword to a whole different level. Imagine that... me, uninsured. Yeah, well... I couldn't. Didn't want to go to the ER, either. All because I couldn't fathom racking up a massive bill for a trip to that joint. But... I couldn't breathe. My choices were die or live. Or at least, so I thought. I obviously chose the latter. Imagine my pride coming full circle when the nurse came in to see me & asked, "What type of insurance I had?" *smh* Geeze... I had to muster up the strength to say, "None." And my surprise when she responded to me with, "That's okay." They're running tests & hooking me up to a breathing machine. The lady comes back & says they're going to be doing (3) chest x-rays. I kid you not, when I tell you that the first thing that was going through my head was to ask her... "Um, how much for a chest x-ray? And did I really need (3) as opposed to (1)?" But they needed to make sure the flu hadn't turned into Pneumonia. In the end, I can't even begin to express the level of my gratefulness on how much my bill was. Or the fact that I ended up being okay. But once again, God was blessing me in the midst of my storm.
That wouldn't be my only trip to the ER in 08. Ended back in the ER in August for a rash on my foot. Something so minute turned into something huge, as I apparently was having an allergic reaction to the fungus in the rash - which brought on more things to deal with. My face & eyes were swelling like crazy, the reaction I developed had my hands, feet, elbows, arms & knees breaking out w/ these clusters that sent me into over-stressed mode. I ultimately was put on anti-fungal creams, anti-bacterial meds, steroid creams & benadryl. My blood pressure shot up to an extremely unsafe level - because stress was beatin' me up like I stole something... And I didn't even know it.
I took a contract gig, only to get let go due to "budget cuts" (clearly the economy wasn't getting better) and the 2nd one, just to have an income coming in while I figured out my next move. It was time to bat down & switch up from the... "How did I get to this point" reflections, to "How do I get from/beyond this point" actions. =o)
I will say that I had some great friends step up. Mentally, financially... encouraging, motivating, supporting, loving... you name it. The circle was small, but big in strength, determination & direction. I lost a few close friends in '08 (and the end of '07). And going into the start of '08, that stuff was weighing on my heart. Substantially. I kept praying... talking to God about it... And finally asked him to show me if it was me or how to deal with it. Of course my ride or dyer's were like... "Screw them tricks!" But... I was looking for deeper words, I guess. And I was at a contract gig reading Joel Osteen's book, 'Become A Better You' when I stumbled across an excerpt called "the gift of good-bye." That means when somebody who is pulling you down chooses to leave, you may not realize it, but he/she just did you a great favor. Don't look back; instead keep looking forward. Get ready for the new thing God wants to do in your life. When somebody leaves your life or a relationship is over--don't get upset. Don't try to talk them into staying. Let God do the new thing. Understand that your destiny is not tied to the people who walk away from you. And as the tears were rolling down my face, I realized that that was the word I was asking God to give me in order to release the weight of those lost friendships that was weighing on my heart. And I still apply it to this day. People will treat you any ol' kind of way, if you let them. And you can never change what you tolerate. As long as you accept it & accommodate it, you're going to stay right where you are. There obviously was more to that chapter, but seeing though I wasn't trying to make this "2008 review" a book & it's already moving in that direction, I need to cut this short. =o)
I will say, however, that going to see "Sex In the City" w/ one of my girls & some of her homegirls... had me reveling in the fact about how those chicks, both on the screen & in my presence, had each other's back through the ups & downs. They fought ... but always found a way to find their way back to that friendship. I remember my girl texting me the next day to say "thanks" for hanging out with them & me responding w/ how nice it was to see her & her girls sustain their friendships after all these years and how nice it has been to watch them grow over the years in those friendships; cause I'd been there through their ups & downs. Did it make me reminisce about some of my old friendships? Of course. Especially the one that was my fault, per se, in falling by the wayside.
But what I do know is... when someone steps back, another steps up. And for those who stepped up & weathered the storm w/ me during my rough patch in '08, I'm beyond grateful. Whether it was something you deem big or small - I deem it a blessing. I gained humility & learned to be humble. =o) If you're reading this by email, or maybe even by blog, chances are you've touched my life in some way, shape or form in '08. Even if you've been or are acting like an azz, there's something I've learned from you or something I'm grateful to you for. Because if there's one thing I've learned over time, it's that friendship isn't always constant or consistent, but we are hopefully always growing consistently as individuals. I've grown enough to say "thanks" even when it might not be warranted or deserved at this point, because at some point, it was. And whether we're friends or not, I'm grateful to anyone who has added quality to my life along my journey.
You know, I woke up this morning & watched "The Pursuit of Happyness". Considering I've owned the book since before the movie came out & never read the joint and bought the movie for Christmas & still haven't opened it, it was PAST time to see the movie. What a message. But you know... the part that hit me was this man's unwavering determination. I listened to him say... that when he was young & he'd get an 'A' on a history test or whatever, he'd get this good feeling about all the things he could be... and then never become any of them. Sadly... I fit that bill, at times. You can always relate to a message, when you see yourself in it.
When Will (Chris) got the job at the end of the movie, I was in tears before he was. All because someone saw his determination and believed in him enough to give him an opportunity. As I wrap this up, let me just say that God never performs His greatest feats in your yesterdays. So obviously this means things are looking up for me. =o) You can't have great victories without having difficult battles. You'll never have a great testimony without going through a few tests. I've got a few things up my sleeve for '09 & I'm excited about it. While watching Oprah a couple of days ago, she had people take the 'Happiness Test'. It's a series of (5) questions in which you could score a 1 - 7. 7 being the highest on each question. I'm not going to tell you what I got, but I guessed two of the three people on stage that scored a 34 or higher on their happiness test. And after listening to the last guy speak, the oldest-who was also a funeral home director, and two of the others, I realized that I'm going to stop letting circumstances determine my happiness factor. The man said something that anyone could carry with them in life, when asked about his level of happiness. He said (not exactly verbatim), people equate happiness to success or success to money, when what it's really about is significance. I was nodding my head in agreement. Have you ever had someone make you feel insignificant? Or given up on you? Wowzers. That mess can sting. But when someone has made you feel like you're significant or has made a significant difference in adding something to your life, it's a helluva feeling. And I've learned that people won't always remember what you say... but they will always remember how you made them feel. Some of you have made a bigger difference in my life than you could ever imagine. All because you supported me, believed in me enough to grant me an opportunity, or never stopped believing in me to begin with. Trust, I appreciate it.
As I finally wrap this up (I'm sure some of you are saying... FINALLY!) lol... Let me include the fact that there were definitely some ups in 2008. =o) I was a delegate for Obama on the House District, County & State level (yes, THREE times!)... and he WON! Got a new gig--complete w/ a fabulous boss, rekindled some old friendships, caught up w/ blogging buddies on my business trips to Cali & vacationing in NC, I stopped trying to con myself into liking someone who was annoying on many levels, couldn't go to the movies right AND also wore sugah short running shorts to run in (sorry I couldn't resist throwing that one in there) - just because he was a "nice" guy. *smh* I know I just finished talking about "significance" but... ALL of those things were a SIGNIFICANT distraction... and you really haven't heard the 1/2 of it. Checked out Charlotte, NC to see if I want to move there; I love it! Got flown to Cali and Vegas by friends, my favorite co-worker (and friend) had her baby prematurely, but healthy, became a god-mother to (2) of my cousins, road-tripped it w/ my favorite person--my mom, my nephew got out of the terrible twos & turned 3, no deaths in my immediate family, got to see my favorite uncle for the first time in some years, I lasted an entire football season w/out competing in fantasy football (wowzers! that's BIG!), started blogging again, listened to, watched & learned from successful people, and discovered the fabulousness that is El Torito in Cali. lol... Just to name a few.
Anyhoo... I've never done a year in review this in depth that I even felt like sharing; if I've even done one at all. And if you've made it this far in the read, you really are a trooper. =o) I just started writing and... more so for a blog than an email; yet somehow it feels a lil' like a testimony. lol...
Regardless... Infinite blessings are wished to each of you in this new year. And remember, if you have the right attitude, you will give birth to more in the future than you've lost in the past. Here's to 2009 and a new set of goals & accomplishments!
Be Blessed,
~BK
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Conversation Piece...
So... I was having a conversation last week.
It started:
Me: So... has homeboy been by to see you, yet?
Her: Nope.
Me: *smh*
Her: But that's okay... I'm not going to let him bring me down.
Me: That's good. (although I know her well enough to not fall for this line, especially behind THIS negro)
Her: He's been hanging out w/ "Pete". (not his real name)
Me: Who's Pete?
Her: "LeAnn's" husband. (not her real name)
Me: Oh. What do you think of him?
Her: He's alright, I guess. They (LeAnn & her new hubby) fight a lot.
Me: Word?
Her: Yeah. She just met him for the first time on a co-habitant level when he got out of jail?
Me: *I perk up and say...* WHAT?!
Her: Yeah. She met & married him while he was in jail. He's her friend's brother & she introduced them to each other while he was in jail.
Me: I gotta hang up... I've REALLY got to hang up this phone. Are you effin' kiddin' me?
Her: Nope. He got out of jail a few weeks ago & moved in w/ her. Her mother doesn't even know all of this.
Me: Wow! I have NO words.
Me: So... she moved into those apartments on "blank" street?
Her: No. She now has a house. It's a section-8 house. She just got it.
Me: Huh? How do you have a decent job & still qualify for section-8?
Her: I don't know. She said she's been on section-8 for (7) years now.
Me: *smh* I'm SOOOO lost right now w/ the foolywang-ness of this story.
Surprisingly, I went to school with this chick. Couldn't tell her she wasn't the *ish in high school. She used to think that she was better than me because she was light skinned. *blank stare* We were the only two blacks on the cheerleading squad. I was captain & she only made the squad because we selected her after someone else had to quit because her parent's were moving to AZ.
Anyhoo... I was dumbfounded at the whole conversation. My parents were like... WHAT?! - when I told them the story, too. My dad, not as much as my mother & I. He was just like... that's what low self esteem will do to a person. When you get in the thinking that somehow... you don't deserve better. My first question to self was: How do you just bring some random man around your kids like that? Not my problem, I guess. But the *ish still baffels me. Plus... (7) years on section-8? I'm not opposed to folks getting assistance, but isn't the purpose just to help you get on your feet? Since when do you make it a lifetime option?
My niece & her daughter are on the same cheerleading squad. So when I ran into her earlier this year, she said to me... "You know I'm married now, right?" Me, um... no. Her... "Yeah. I married me a criminal!" I said, "come again?" She repeated, "Yeah. I married me a criminal." I had no response. Cause in my head I'm thinking... "I wouldn't share that piece of information w/ ANYBODY, willingly. You'd have to come up on that piece of information some other way, if that was the road I took." *sigh* She's not my girl like that, but I do have to wonder, how do you NOT want better for yourself?
Another conversation on Friday night:
(a different person) - based upon a convo she had w/ her ex...
Her: He told me, "I don't know who told you that you weren't worth anything, but that *ish was fukked up!"
Me: Huh?
Her: Because I have low self esteem.
Me: Girl... you do NOT have low self esteem.
Her: Oh but I do.
Me: I don't see it. Low self esteem will get your azz run over by someone. You, don't have low self esteem. Cause you won't let that happen. Maybe 10 years ago... but now... negative. I think you let people intimidate you at times when you allow people to make you feel less than in the business sense. But a man... nope.
Her: I guess you're right. But sometimes I say things to "blank" just to try to make him feel bad when he's hurt my feelings... but it doesn't work.
Me: And you've been doing this for how long? How many years?
Her: Oh... say, 15 years.
Me: And it's worked how many times?
Her: None.
Me: You know, crazy is: doing the same thing over & over again, expecting to get a different result. (she actually finished that sentence w/ me - simultaneously)
Her: He said he couldn't have married me, because my lack of confidence would have driven me crazy. Hence the reason he said, "I don't know who told you you weren't worth anything, but that *ish was fukked up."
Me: No man wants an insecure azz female. That *ish is not a becoming trait. People are naturally attracted to people who exude confidence. I can tell you for a fact that I can't kick it w/ any insecure azz man. That *ish is NOT going down. It's not even attractive.
Her: I know. That's what he said, too.
Me: But let me just share with you all the reasons I think you're beyond the bomb & phenomenal... (I shared my list of things w/ her & why she's such a blessing to me...)
Her: Thank you. You are always soooo sweet.
Me: Uh... that's just the truth. That's why I'm here... to uplift.
Next convo...
out at dinner with one of my old friends:
Me: So... tell me about this new guy. Where'd you meet him?
Her: Um... you're gonna laugh when I tell you.
Me: *serious look* Okay... where'd you meet him.
Her: Well... I had joined this site a while back.
Me: Site? Which one?
Her: Okay... Okay. Don't laugh.
Me: wth? What? Meetamillionaire.com or something?
Her: *%!@$^#(&).com
Me: *with a wtf look on my face - which then turned into a massive smile because I was trying to keep from laughing*
Her: Yeah... originally I had met a guy on there who was a fraud. He lied about his age, how much he made, and some other *ish. So I had shut my page down. But then a couple of months later I opened it back up & was getting madd attention on that piece.
Me: So are you telling me that these men, knowingly, are on this site tryin' to spend up madd loot on females who they know want them to spend their loot on them to be interested?
Her: Yep.
Me: Wow...
(Now don't even ask. I have NO CLUE as to why homegirl was/is even on the site. But I DO know that the dude she's been kickin' w/ for the last 3 months flies her out there at least twice a month. But I also know he's not as balleristic as he's trying to appear. Sorry... I just don't understand her or him on this one.)
Well... that's about it on the blog. Gotta get up at 5 am to hit the gym & sauna before work, so... I'm headed to bed. I shall return w/ something of substance later.
It started:
Me: So... has homeboy been by to see you, yet?
Her: Nope.
Me: *smh*
Her: But that's okay... I'm not going to let him bring me down.
Me: That's good. (although I know her well enough to not fall for this line, especially behind THIS negro)
Her: He's been hanging out w/ "Pete". (not his real name)
Me: Who's Pete?
Her: "LeAnn's" husband. (not her real name)
Me: Oh. What do you think of him?
Her: He's alright, I guess. They (LeAnn & her new hubby) fight a lot.
Me: Word?
Her: Yeah. She just met him for the first time on a co-habitant level when he got out of jail?
Me: *I perk up and say...* WHAT?!
Her: Yeah. She met & married him while he was in jail. He's her friend's brother & she introduced them to each other while he was in jail.
Me: I gotta hang up... I've REALLY got to hang up this phone. Are you effin' kiddin' me?
Her: Nope. He got out of jail a few weeks ago & moved in w/ her. Her mother doesn't even know all of this.
Me: Wow! I have NO words.
Me: So... she moved into those apartments on "blank" street?
Her: No. She now has a house. It's a section-8 house. She just got it.
Me: Huh? How do you have a decent job & still qualify for section-8?
Her: I don't know. She said she's been on section-8 for (7) years now.
Me: *smh* I'm SOOOO lost right now w/ the foolywang-ness of this story.
Surprisingly, I went to school with this chick. Couldn't tell her she wasn't the *ish in high school. She used to think that she was better than me because she was light skinned. *blank stare* We were the only two blacks on the cheerleading squad. I was captain & she only made the squad because we selected her after someone else had to quit because her parent's were moving to AZ.
Anyhoo... I was dumbfounded at the whole conversation. My parents were like... WHAT?! - when I told them the story, too. My dad, not as much as my mother & I. He was just like... that's what low self esteem will do to a person. When you get in the thinking that somehow... you don't deserve better. My first question to self was: How do you just bring some random man around your kids like that? Not my problem, I guess. But the *ish still baffels me. Plus... (7) years on section-8? I'm not opposed to folks getting assistance, but isn't the purpose just to help you get on your feet? Since when do you make it a lifetime option?
My niece & her daughter are on the same cheerleading squad. So when I ran into her earlier this year, she said to me... "You know I'm married now, right?" Me, um... no. Her... "Yeah. I married me a criminal!" I said, "come again?" She repeated, "Yeah. I married me a criminal." I had no response. Cause in my head I'm thinking... "I wouldn't share that piece of information w/ ANYBODY, willingly. You'd have to come up on that piece of information some other way, if that was the road I took." *sigh* She's not my girl like that, but I do have to wonder, how do you NOT want better for yourself?
Another conversation on Friday night:
(a different person) - based upon a convo she had w/ her ex...
Her: He told me, "I don't know who told you that you weren't worth anything, but that *ish was fukked up!"
Me: Huh?
Her: Because I have low self esteem.
Me: Girl... you do NOT have low self esteem.
Her: Oh but I do.
Me: I don't see it. Low self esteem will get your azz run over by someone. You, don't have low self esteem. Cause you won't let that happen. Maybe 10 years ago... but now... negative. I think you let people intimidate you at times when you allow people to make you feel less than in the business sense. But a man... nope.
Her: I guess you're right. But sometimes I say things to "blank" just to try to make him feel bad when he's hurt my feelings... but it doesn't work.
Me: And you've been doing this for how long? How many years?
Her: Oh... say, 15 years.
Me: And it's worked how many times?
Her: None.
Me: You know, crazy is: doing the same thing over & over again, expecting to get a different result. (she actually finished that sentence w/ me - simultaneously)
Her: He said he couldn't have married me, because my lack of confidence would have driven me crazy. Hence the reason he said, "I don't know who told you you weren't worth anything, but that *ish was fukked up."
Me: No man wants an insecure azz female. That *ish is not a becoming trait. People are naturally attracted to people who exude confidence. I can tell you for a fact that I can't kick it w/ any insecure azz man. That *ish is NOT going down. It's not even attractive.
Her: I know. That's what he said, too.
Me: But let me just share with you all the reasons I think you're beyond the bomb & phenomenal... (I shared my list of things w/ her & why she's such a blessing to me...)
Her: Thank you. You are always soooo sweet.
Me: Uh... that's just the truth. That's why I'm here... to uplift.
Next convo...
out at dinner with one of my old friends:
Me: So... tell me about this new guy. Where'd you meet him?
Her: Um... you're gonna laugh when I tell you.
Me: *serious look* Okay... where'd you meet him.
Her: Well... I had joined this site a while back.
Me: Site? Which one?
Her: Okay... Okay. Don't laugh.
Me: wth? What? Meetamillionaire.com or something?
Her: *%!@$^#(&).com
Me: *with a wtf look on my face - which then turned into a massive smile because I was trying to keep from laughing*
Her: Yeah... originally I had met a guy on there who was a fraud. He lied about his age, how much he made, and some other *ish. So I had shut my page down. But then a couple of months later I opened it back up & was getting madd attention on that piece.
Me: So are you telling me that these men, knowingly, are on this site tryin' to spend up madd loot on females who they know want them to spend their loot on them to be interested?
Her: Yep.
Me: Wow...
(Now don't even ask. I have NO CLUE as to why homegirl was/is even on the site. But I DO know that the dude she's been kickin' w/ for the last 3 months flies her out there at least twice a month. But I also know he's not as balleristic as he's trying to appear. Sorry... I just don't understand her or him on this one.)
Well... that's about it on the blog. Gotta get up at 5 am to hit the gym & sauna before work, so... I'm headed to bed. I shall return w/ something of substance later.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Quick One...
Hey, hey, hey....
It's been a minute, I know. Aki reminds me often.
It's cool though... cause I return the favor. Even when I have no grounds to talk. lol...
In my defense, I started a blog on 10/26. It's actually a decent length.
... but I guess in the big scheme of things, it really doesn't matter; if I never posted it. *sigh*
But... good news! I'ma try to post THIS weekend. No promises, though.
I've been working like a run-a-way slave!
And it's not going to get any better - any sooner.
Additional work is coming... so it looks like I'll be traveling again & sooner than I thought.
I'm not against traveling but... that mess was kicking my energy level below non-existent.
And up until last week... I couldn't even take my butt to the gym to get my energy level back up.
Thankfully... I'm back in business. I've been getting cussed out left & right for not returning calls.
Sad. But honestly, I didn't even have the energy to care. *smh*
I would say to myself... I hear ya, girl/man. I know, I suck - right now. And keep on sleeping, lounging or working. Cause unless you travel like that (I was in the office all of (3) days for (4) weeks)...
you just wouldn't understand how jet lag takes it's toll on an already tired & strugglin' person.
Someone said to me last night... "You must REALLY love your job." I said... I do like what I do.
But, in this economy... I simply like HAVING a job, period. Cause your option could be unemployment.
I had a birthday. *sigh* Birthdays = wackdays, for me.
Although an Obama win made the perfect, day after, gift.
I went to Vegas to celebrate. Or rather... not so much.
Vegas = Wackness. But it was a bday present from my Nina. Not ungrateful, but that mess was wack.
Not to mention... I had NO energy! *sigh* Details on that, later.
All of my ex's called to say "Happy Bday!" The new guy I've been seeing... remembered (4) days later. *smh*
Could be another reason I'm not that into him? No?
I'm always surprised at the people who remember... & the people who forget.
(Adwoa, you get a pass cause I heart you for infinity!)
Actually... I gave a few 'get out of jail - free' passes.
Bday's, for me, are big. No other day in the year, is the expectation to 'celebrate' me.
And not so much celebrate, as acknowledge me.
But... I'm learning to lower my expectations on bdays. In fact, I'm choosing to celebrate my day on a random, out of the blue, day next year. Not even going to be in my bday month. Just a no expectation day when the likelyhood of fun w/ ensue. *smh* @ me yelling out of the blue... "It's my birthday!" - and it's not. lmao...
Black Ski Summit, maybe? Alpha will be there. =o) All-Star weekend in AZ? Perhaps...
They're both on my list.
Okay... gotta get back to work.
Oh... one last thing (or two). I'm over The Hills.
That used to be my show.
But when they tried to go w/ the rumored storyline of Justin Bobby & Lauren...
that was it, for me.
Now I'm CONVINCED the garnered up storylines rumors are true.
Cause that mess wasn't even believable.
Audrina's acting was even unbelievable. And that girl is my favortie, right now.
Decided to just stick to CSI: Miami & Horacio Cane, now.
Or Will & Grace re-runs. I do need to update my collection.
Okay... time to get to work.
Be back this weekend (at some point) to blog.
I'm working... and shopping! =o)
Keyshia Cole's new cd in stores Dec. 16th. I just listened to the preview...
I LOVE IT!
Btw... I love her show. More on that, later, too.
Later.
~BK
It's been a minute, I know. Aki reminds me often.
It's cool though... cause I return the favor. Even when I have no grounds to talk. lol...
In my defense, I started a blog on 10/26. It's actually a decent length.
... but I guess in the big scheme of things, it really doesn't matter; if I never posted it. *sigh*
But... good news! I'ma try to post THIS weekend. No promises, though.
I've been working like a run-a-way slave!
And it's not going to get any better - any sooner.
Additional work is coming... so it looks like I'll be traveling again & sooner than I thought.
I'm not against traveling but... that mess was kicking my energy level below non-existent.
And up until last week... I couldn't even take my butt to the gym to get my energy level back up.
Thankfully... I'm back in business. I've been getting cussed out left & right for not returning calls.
Sad. But honestly, I didn't even have the energy to care. *smh*
I would say to myself... I hear ya, girl/man. I know, I suck - right now. And keep on sleeping, lounging or working. Cause unless you travel like that (I was in the office all of (3) days for (4) weeks)...
you just wouldn't understand how jet lag takes it's toll on an already tired & strugglin' person.
Someone said to me last night... "You must REALLY love your job." I said... I do like what I do.
But, in this economy... I simply like HAVING a job, period. Cause your option could be unemployment.
I had a birthday. *sigh* Birthdays = wackdays, for me.
Although an Obama win made the perfect, day after, gift.
I went to Vegas to celebrate. Or rather... not so much.
Vegas = Wackness. But it was a bday present from my Nina. Not ungrateful, but that mess was wack.
Not to mention... I had NO energy! *sigh* Details on that, later.
All of my ex's called to say "Happy Bday!" The new guy I've been seeing... remembered (4) days later. *smh*
Could be another reason I'm not that into him? No?
I'm always surprised at the people who remember... & the people who forget.
(Adwoa, you get a pass cause I heart you for infinity!)
Actually... I gave a few 'get out of jail - free' passes.
Bday's, for me, are big. No other day in the year, is the expectation to 'celebrate' me.
And not so much celebrate, as acknowledge me.
But... I'm learning to lower my expectations on bdays. In fact, I'm choosing to celebrate my day on a random, out of the blue, day next year. Not even going to be in my bday month. Just a no expectation day when the likelyhood of fun w/ ensue. *smh* @ me yelling out of the blue... "It's my birthday!" - and it's not. lmao...
Black Ski Summit, maybe? Alpha will be there. =o) All-Star weekend in AZ? Perhaps...
They're both on my list.
Okay... gotta get back to work.
Oh... one last thing (or two). I'm over The Hills.
That used to be my show.
But when they tried to go w/ the rumored storyline of Justin Bobby & Lauren...
that was it, for me.
Now I'm CONVINCED the garnered up storylines rumors are true.
Cause that mess wasn't even believable.
Audrina's acting was even unbelievable. And that girl is my favortie, right now.
Decided to just stick to CSI: Miami & Horacio Cane, now.
Or Will & Grace re-runs. I do need to update my collection.
Okay... time to get to work.
Be back this weekend (at some point) to blog.
I'm working... and shopping! =o)
Keyshia Cole's new cd in stores Dec. 16th. I just listened to the preview...
I LOVE IT!
Btw... I love her show. More on that, later, too.
Later.
~BK
Monday, October 20, 2008
Untitled...
So... the last couple of weeks have been grand. =o) Last week I went to the Broncos/Jaguars game with Nina. I haven't had THAT much fun at a dayum game in a grip! It was drizzilin' the whole dang game. Grrr... Needless to say, I had sooo much fun it was ridiculous.
My brother called me that morning to let me know he had an extra ticket on the 45 yard line (9 rows up) and wanted to know if I wanted to roll. I let him know I was rollin' w/ Nina, but that we could catch up/ meet up during the game. So he & my dad went. My mom was all making sure my dad was gonna be bundled up enough to not be cold. (They're the cutest!) Anyhoo... I bounced to go meet Nina downtown somewhere, as she was gonna drive. Now granted... this is the first time in YEARS that I didn't have access to parking in the players parking lot, so the parking/walking was gonna be a beast. Grrr... We weren't paying $40 to park @ the stadium, so I told Nina that there's a huge church not that far from the stadium where they charge about $10 for parking. I told her that I didn't have any cash, though, so we might need to hit up an ATM, first. Nina thought she had enough cash on her. Not so. We pull up, Nina had about $4 (we're already now IN the lot). So I ask the lady where's the nearest ATM. She directed us about a block. But in order to turn around, we had to drive through the parking lot. So... we get far enough from the lady & Nina's like, eff it, Kat... let's just park in here. She's not gonna know. I said, Nina... it's a friggin' church parking lot! She replied, "God's not gonna mind if we park here." *smh* That girl is a mess! I talked her outta that *ish, as... I told her I'd hate for us to return to the lot after the game & the devil left us with no ride up in that joint! Funny thing, we drove across the street to this mexican restaurant & parked for FREE! Wow! You just can't beat FREE parking. Really.
We start walking to the stadium (with the rest of the 500 people) and as we're approaching the stadium, a truck rolls by w/ two negro's screaming my name out of it. I'm lookin' like... who da hell? So they're all waving... I can't see anyone but the driver, and Lord knows I didn't know his tail. So I put my hands out as if to say, who are you. Dude starts screaming out the name of my ex that used to play on the team. I was like... "oh, hey!" He's sittin' there stopped, holding up traffic like I was gonna run over there or something. Psssh, negro please! I turned it back around & kept walking. It would have been nice to talk to him & all... but, a.) it was cold outside and b.) if it was that serious, they'd have turned the car around. We kept it moving. I just didn't know the negro still lived here.
Anyhoo... we get to our seats & it friggin' started to drizzle. Grrr... probably looked like it was snowing on TV. But... screw it. I've been in the stands in my ski-suit before, so this wasn't going to hurt anyone. We copped some hot chocolates, a hot dog, some chili cheese fries *smacks lips* & commenced to having a fab time. Nina's grandparents seats are like 12 rows up, so... we had good seats. We were actin' up & havin' a ball. So much so, the cops came up to us & were like, "you ladies are having entirely too much fun!" I said, "we really are!" The man said, "I'm keeping my eye on you ladies." =o) Nina responds, "please do!" And then puts her hands up as if to get the hand-cuffs put on her later. OUT of control we were. We later met up w/ my dad & brother over in their section. 1st thing Nina says when we walked off from them... you didn't tell me your brother was foine! I said... I don't mix friends & brothers. Been there... done that. Not the biz. Plus, my bro-ham is married, anyway.
Long story short. Game was a treat. Left there and went to a steak-house downtown. Ordered like (7) different appetizers & some orange martinis that were the best martini's I've EVER had in my life. I mean... really. Nina said I was going to love them. I've got to go back for my birthday! Thus ended the night.
Anyhoo... I've met a new guy. He's actually a friend of a friend. I've known him for a while now, but he was previously in a relationship. But... as usual, I've been finding something wrong w/ him. Well... last week he took me out to a movie. Towards the beginning he kept talking to me. Not even about the movie, just in general. WTF? Then... I could feel him staring at me for like (3) minutes or so, & I finally chimed in with the, "um... are you going to watch me or the movie?" Grrr... then he kept trying to hold my hand, touch my leg, lay his head on my shoulder... and y'all I don't mind holding hands w/ someone. But 1/2 of the movie I was thinking... "Nope, can't date this guy. He's too extra AND... He doesn't even know how to go to the movies right." *smh* Plus, there are other things that were driving me a little bit batty. I talked to Nina the next morning about the *ish & her azz was ROLLIN' about my breakdown. (Nina & I have the same problem; we seem to find something wrong w/ everyone!) So... she says, "Kat, you just need to go ahead & wave your white flag right now. Cause the *ish ain't gonna happen for us!" I'm rollin'. It's funny and sad at the same time. So I met up w/ my boss @ her sons' basketball game the next morning. I'm telling her about the *ish & asking what she thinks. She was telling me how she couldn't date this one guy back in the day, because she could hear his eyelids click when he closed his eyes (rotflmbao). She said... "you can't force your feelings, girl. Nice guy or not. I know it sucks. But SquareBear ISN'T the one & I highly doubt this cat is, either." Chick was breaking it down on me. I told her, I didn't even have anything to say. She replied, cause you know I'm right! And... that, she is. Although I've still been hanging out a bit w/ the new guy. *sigh*
SquareBear, is definitely not where I'm at. The sad part was, I actually felt a lil' bad for not really feelin' ol' boy like that. I was tryin' to like him. But... it just wasn't workin'. Funny thing... well, I'll put that up on the Vixen side (Aki, that's your cue), later.
But... new guy called me, yesterday morning, to go running with him down at this big park out here. Y'all know I haven't worked out in three months, because of my foot. So... can I tell you how friggin' out of shape I am? I mean... I kept thinking, this is sad, how out of shape I am. And we did about 4-5 miles. Plus, he was all tryin' to play with me while running. (This is why I workout SOLO!) Then... he was all, don't stop. Keep walking (when I would stop running), close your mouth & breathe through your nose, finish hard... *blank stare* Negro, you DO realize that I've been running since middle school? Grrr... I simply said, dude, I don't need a running coach. He said, I know. But I'm gonna be your motivational coach. *sigh* (Motivational or irritational?) In the car he kept playin' w/ my ears & rubbing my arms and it was just bothering the heck out of me. We went to get something to eat after that... & I called it a day.
Anyhoo... I've got some other rundown on dinner last night w/ Nina & the girls. I'll blog later on. I fly out to L.A. on Tuesday - Friday so... I'll have a lot of downtime.
Later.
~BK
My brother called me that morning to let me know he had an extra ticket on the 45 yard line (9 rows up) and wanted to know if I wanted to roll. I let him know I was rollin' w/ Nina, but that we could catch up/ meet up during the game. So he & my dad went. My mom was all making sure my dad was gonna be bundled up enough to not be cold. (They're the cutest!) Anyhoo... I bounced to go meet Nina downtown somewhere, as she was gonna drive. Now granted... this is the first time in YEARS that I didn't have access to parking in the players parking lot, so the parking/walking was gonna be a beast. Grrr... We weren't paying $40 to park @ the stadium, so I told Nina that there's a huge church not that far from the stadium where they charge about $10 for parking. I told her that I didn't have any cash, though, so we might need to hit up an ATM, first. Nina thought she had enough cash on her. Not so. We pull up, Nina had about $4 (we're already now IN the lot). So I ask the lady where's the nearest ATM. She directed us about a block. But in order to turn around, we had to drive through the parking lot. So... we get far enough from the lady & Nina's like, eff it, Kat... let's just park in here. She's not gonna know. I said, Nina... it's a friggin' church parking lot! She replied, "God's not gonna mind if we park here." *smh* That girl is a mess! I talked her outta that *ish, as... I told her I'd hate for us to return to the lot after the game & the devil left us with no ride up in that joint! Funny thing, we drove across the street to this mexican restaurant & parked for FREE! Wow! You just can't beat FREE parking. Really.
We start walking to the stadium (with the rest of the 500 people) and as we're approaching the stadium, a truck rolls by w/ two negro's screaming my name out of it. I'm lookin' like... who da hell? So they're all waving... I can't see anyone but the driver, and Lord knows I didn't know his tail. So I put my hands out as if to say, who are you. Dude starts screaming out the name of my ex that used to play on the team. I was like... "oh, hey!" He's sittin' there stopped, holding up traffic like I was gonna run over there or something. Psssh, negro please! I turned it back around & kept walking. It would have been nice to talk to him & all... but, a.) it was cold outside and b.) if it was that serious, they'd have turned the car around. We kept it moving. I just didn't know the negro still lived here.
Anyhoo... we get to our seats & it friggin' started to drizzle. Grrr... probably looked like it was snowing on TV. But... screw it. I've been in the stands in my ski-suit before, so this wasn't going to hurt anyone. We copped some hot chocolates, a hot dog, some chili cheese fries *smacks lips* & commenced to having a fab time. Nina's grandparents seats are like 12 rows up, so... we had good seats. We were actin' up & havin' a ball. So much so, the cops came up to us & were like, "you ladies are having entirely too much fun!" I said, "we really are!" The man said, "I'm keeping my eye on you ladies." =o) Nina responds, "please do!" And then puts her hands up as if to get the hand-cuffs put on her later. OUT of control we were. We later met up w/ my dad & brother over in their section. 1st thing Nina says when we walked off from them... you didn't tell me your brother was foine! I said... I don't mix friends & brothers. Been there... done that. Not the biz. Plus, my bro-ham is married, anyway.
Long story short. Game was a treat. Left there and went to a steak-house downtown. Ordered like (7) different appetizers & some orange martinis that were the best martini's I've EVER had in my life. I mean... really. Nina said I was going to love them. I've got to go back for my birthday! Thus ended the night.
Anyhoo... I've met a new guy. He's actually a friend of a friend. I've known him for a while now, but he was previously in a relationship. But... as usual, I've been finding something wrong w/ him. Well... last week he took me out to a movie. Towards the beginning he kept talking to me. Not even about the movie, just in general. WTF? Then... I could feel him staring at me for like (3) minutes or so, & I finally chimed in with the, "um... are you going to watch me or the movie?" Grrr... then he kept trying to hold my hand, touch my leg, lay his head on my shoulder... and y'all I don't mind holding hands w/ someone. But 1/2 of the movie I was thinking... "Nope, can't date this guy. He's too extra AND... He doesn't even know how to go to the movies right." *smh* Plus, there are other things that were driving me a little bit batty. I talked to Nina the next morning about the *ish & her azz was ROLLIN' about my breakdown. (Nina & I have the same problem; we seem to find something wrong w/ everyone!) So... she says, "Kat, you just need to go ahead & wave your white flag right now. Cause the *ish ain't gonna happen for us!" I'm rollin'. It's funny and sad at the same time. So I met up w/ my boss @ her sons' basketball game the next morning. I'm telling her about the *ish & asking what she thinks. She was telling me how she couldn't date this one guy back in the day, because she could hear his eyelids click when he closed his eyes (rotflmbao). She said... "you can't force your feelings, girl. Nice guy or not. I know it sucks. But SquareBear ISN'T the one & I highly doubt this cat is, either." Chick was breaking it down on me. I told her, I didn't even have anything to say. She replied, cause you know I'm right! And... that, she is. Although I've still been hanging out a bit w/ the new guy. *sigh*
SquareBear, is definitely not where I'm at. The sad part was, I actually felt a lil' bad for not really feelin' ol' boy like that. I was tryin' to like him. But... it just wasn't workin'. Funny thing... well, I'll put that up on the Vixen side (Aki, that's your cue), later.
But... new guy called me, yesterday morning, to go running with him down at this big park out here. Y'all know I haven't worked out in three months, because of my foot. So... can I tell you how friggin' out of shape I am? I mean... I kept thinking, this is sad, how out of shape I am. And we did about 4-5 miles. Plus, he was all tryin' to play with me while running. (This is why I workout SOLO!) Then... he was all, don't stop. Keep walking (when I would stop running), close your mouth & breathe through your nose, finish hard... *blank stare* Negro, you DO realize that I've been running since middle school? Grrr... I simply said, dude, I don't need a running coach. He said, I know. But I'm gonna be your motivational coach. *sigh* (Motivational or irritational?) In the car he kept playin' w/ my ears & rubbing my arms and it was just bothering the heck out of me. We went to get something to eat after that... & I called it a day.
Anyhoo... I've got some other rundown on dinner last night w/ Nina & the girls. I'll blog later on. I fly out to L.A. on Tuesday - Friday so... I'll have a lot of downtime.
Later.
~BK
Saturday, October 4, 2008
The RunDown...
Guten Abend, Buenas Noches and What it is, Good People?! It's been a hot minute, yes, I know. But... hey, it's like that sometimes. =o)
Cali trip was great! SquareBear was a treat. He had a "bitchassness" moment though, one of those nights & I plum thought I was gonna sock him in his grill. Negro was tryin' to argue w/ me about Denver being worse than Compton. *blank stare* Yeah... it was trivial AND assanine. But it escalated to some foolywang levels (on his part). I'm not gonna break down that moment, but his azz knows he was cuttin' the fool. Crazy azz. But... minus that moment, the trip was nice.
I flew out on Southwest Airlines, which was a first for me. I knew they boarded in sections, so I checked in online the night before. I don't know if I necessarily feel that whole type of boarding, but... hey, not having to pay for bag check in & *ish, works perfectly fine for me. Cause Lord knows, I have yet to figure out how to pack lightly for a 3-day trip! So... anyhoo, I was in the 1st bunch of folks, so I got my isle seat quickly. Some other female came & got the window seat and I was just waiting for someone to come & get that middle seat, which are all that's left once people pick their seats. I promise you, the last chick to get on the plane, walked all the way back to our row, so we were like "grrrr..." that she was gonna sit there. But, she just couldn't make herself do it & walked all the way back up to the front of the plane to find a seat. I turned to homegirl (who happened to be white) & said... this is one of those moments where it pays to be black in america. *smh* She was like, "Awww... " *smh* but y'all know I was chucklin' to myself something serious. I probably shouldn't have said it, but... I couldn't resist. So... my motto is, "If you're black, fly Southwest! You might get a row to yourself!" Just kidding (not really).
Anyhoo... flight was nice. SquareBear was waiting for me when I came OFF the escalator. He was like... "I was soooo nervous & anxious, for some reason." I was like... "Awww... why?" He was like, "I don't know. I just was like... self, wth?! Ease up!" *smh* (Too cute). He admitted a while back that I intimidate him so... I know that had something to do with it. Never the less, we got my bags & headed to catch the shuttle back to the hotel... as he took the shuttle instead of driving. We threw the bags down & went to go get some dinner. I will say that he had plans for us to go out that night. But me & sleep had other plans. *smh* We both layed it down for a minute, cause he was tired too. But then I think he said he was gonna run somewhere (I can't remember), but I was like... cool. Just let me sleep for like an hour & a half. Um... clearly (3) hours later, when he tapped me on my shoulder to gently wake me up & said, "I'm assuming you're not going anywhere, lol..." I was like, "oh snap! I'm sooo sorry. I'm just beat! But I'll get up." And he was like, "No... you go ahead & sleep. We can just chill here @ the spot. I want you to relax this weekend, so you just sleep as long as you want." *big smile* Which would have technically ended the night, but... I caught a friggin' charlie horse (cramp) in my right leg... which then moved to my foot, which then my left leg caught the cramp & I was basically almost in tears from that *ish. He's runnin' around like crazy trying to throw hot towels in the sink to put on my legs... running down to the jacuzzi to see if it was empty so we could get in there & let the hot water soothe out the cramps, to back to the room to run some steaming hot bath water for me to soak my legs in. Grrrr.... I used to get them after one of my track meets or after working out. I haven't had one in a hot minute, so... leave it to that weekend for me to get them. I ended up scarfing down a gang of mustard to get that *ish to stop. Don't ask me what mustard does. I just know my Mom sleeps w/ mustard by her bed for when she catches the cramp during the night. Prior to the Cali trip, I was laughing at the mustard bit. But *ish... after scarfing down a gang of grey poupon (my favorite; thankfully I love mustard)... that cramping stopped. Yeah, welcome to Cali, huh? lol.
Day 2, we went & had breakfast at the hotel. Wasn't really feelin' it & left to go eat elsewhere. Hung out a bit during the day and decided to chill & watch some football until later. We were going to a comedy show & Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles. The comedy show was nice. There were like 10 comedians. There was a middle eastern guy who was up there talking about how after 9-11 there are a few things that could never again be. Like, how there will never again be a middle eastern pilot. He was acting like he was a pilot talking over the intercom & *ish and was like, "Good Everyone & welcome to United flight 695, with service to Houston. I am your pilot, Hamid Abdul Muhammad & will be in charge of this flight, along w/ our co-pilot, John Sampson. This will be my last flight, as I'll be retiring, however I hope to make it a memorable one. Should you need anything, please feel free to notify our in-flight crew. The estimated flight time is 2 hrs. & 36 minutes. We're looking at clear skies, a smooth ride & an on time arrival. Welcome aboard." And then started singing this middle eastern song & *ish. Sadly, I was nodding my head in agreement, that I'd have had to hop off that dayum flight. But I was rollin'. Then some other cat got up there & was talkin' about folks sayin' hip hop is dead. He said, hip hop isn't dead. It's alive & kickin'. But what's dead is TV! He was talkin' about Flavor of Love & I was screaming. It's waited too long to blog to remember all of those jokes, but the first thing he said was... "How do you go on a television show & compete for a prize and there's NO PRIZE!?" (As in Flava Flav not being a prize for anyone). And although I'm cool w/ Mercedes (aka Prancer), I just had to nod my head in agreement w/ this comedian. I was literally screaming at 1/2 the *ish he was saying, cause his azz was THAT funny! A chick in the audience was went to throw her head back from laughing so hard, her hair landed in the candle on the table behind her & well... homegirls head was on fire! I could smell something burning, as she was only a table away, but couldn't figure out what was burning. Too bad the host of the show was standing in the back of our section & saw that *ish , so you KNOW he came up & made an announcement and was crackin' jokes & *ish. I know she was mad about that. She came in with a half down her back weave & left with a shoulder length one. *smh* Good times, though. After dinner & the show, he asked if I wanted to hit the club or a movie. I chose the later, as the club scene isn't really my thing, these days. But, as this was the Denver/Compton fight night, we never made it. *smh*
Day 3, we hung out early in the day, I packed & we went to see my girlfriend Nabs. It was such a treat to see her. She's such a cutie patootie. We left there & went to try to find this sushi spot that's supposed to be the bomb, but we couldn't. So... to the airport it was, as... it was time for me to leave. Sealed that trip w/ a kiss and thus ended the Cali trip. (I may place a pic of him up on the Vixen side).
But... in more important news. I've got a new gig! FINALLY!! Not that I haven't been working, cause I have. But y'all know, I had been doing the contract thing for a minute now. And although there are some benefits to working contract, I was OVER that *ish. So... I decided to get focused and bat down. Went on three interviews. Two full-time, one part-time. And basically got all (3) gigs. I say basically, because I already accepted an offer on one (and the PT gig offer, I accepted, as well) & I'm just waiting to hear what the offer is from the 2nd FT one. Both are in my field and both are great opportunities. However, I seriously doubt I'll be swaying from where I'm at, now. Although my new boss knows that the 2nd one is still in the offering process. But y'all, I'm just grateful for the blessings God is pouring out on me. I knew it was coming, because He had placed a calmness over me that I hadn't experienced in over a year. And... I'm just geeked. Cause this market/ economy is NOTHING to play with. But in spite of it all, I ended up with some GREAT opportunities. My laptop was ordered & should be here next week (my laptop bag already arrived), I'll be traveling back & forth to Los Angeles, San Diego & AZ in two weeks (for four weeks), my blackberry was ordered (it's weird, tho, as we only get our blackberry's when we travel) & my business cards will be ordered shortly. My boss is hella fabulous, which I'd take a fabulous boss over any other perk ANYDAY! And I have NO complaints. So for those of you who endured the up & down roller coaster ride of emotions with me, THANK YOU!
I also ended up having to go back to the doctor for the foot rash. Grrrr... My face started swelling again this week so... to the doctor I went. I switched PCP's (Primary Care Physician) and she referred me to a dermatologist (finally got what I needed to begin with). I saw the dermatologist yesterday (she's friggin' adorable) & she says I have some sort of eczema. *relief* She scraped my foot to check for fungus. Didn't find any. But the anti-fungal cream (prescription strength) would have healed that. So... she put me on a strong azz steroid cream & I go back to see her in (3) weeks. She told me I can stop stressin' now. Which, I'm tryin to do... but as a result of me not sleeping too much last night, I know I STILL am. Grrr... But, she was just too adorable.
Anyhoo... life is great. Enjoy your day. And remember... "I can see Russia from my house!" *smdh*
~BK
Cali trip was great! SquareBear was a treat. He had a "bitchassness" moment though, one of those nights & I plum thought I was gonna sock him in his grill. Negro was tryin' to argue w/ me about Denver being worse than Compton. *blank stare* Yeah... it was trivial AND assanine. But it escalated to some foolywang levels (on his part). I'm not gonna break down that moment, but his azz knows he was cuttin' the fool. Crazy azz. But... minus that moment, the trip was nice.
I flew out on Southwest Airlines, which was a first for me. I knew they boarded in sections, so I checked in online the night before. I don't know if I necessarily feel that whole type of boarding, but... hey, not having to pay for bag check in & *ish, works perfectly fine for me. Cause Lord knows, I have yet to figure out how to pack lightly for a 3-day trip! So... anyhoo, I was in the 1st bunch of folks, so I got my isle seat quickly. Some other female came & got the window seat and I was just waiting for someone to come & get that middle seat, which are all that's left once people pick their seats. I promise you, the last chick to get on the plane, walked all the way back to our row, so we were like "grrrr..." that she was gonna sit there. But, she just couldn't make herself do it & walked all the way back up to the front of the plane to find a seat. I turned to homegirl (who happened to be white) & said... this is one of those moments where it pays to be black in america. *smh* She was like, "Awww... " *smh* but y'all know I was chucklin' to myself something serious. I probably shouldn't have said it, but... I couldn't resist. So... my motto is, "If you're black, fly Southwest! You might get a row to yourself!" Just kidding (not really).
Anyhoo... flight was nice. SquareBear was waiting for me when I came OFF the escalator. He was like... "I was soooo nervous & anxious, for some reason." I was like... "Awww... why?" He was like, "I don't know. I just was like... self, wth?! Ease up!" *smh* (Too cute). He admitted a while back that I intimidate him so... I know that had something to do with it. Never the less, we got my bags & headed to catch the shuttle back to the hotel... as he took the shuttle instead of driving. We threw the bags down & went to go get some dinner. I will say that he had plans for us to go out that night. But me & sleep had other plans. *smh* We both layed it down for a minute, cause he was tired too. But then I think he said he was gonna run somewhere (I can't remember), but I was like... cool. Just let me sleep for like an hour & a half. Um... clearly (3) hours later, when he tapped me on my shoulder to gently wake me up & said, "I'm assuming you're not going anywhere, lol..." I was like, "oh snap! I'm sooo sorry. I'm just beat! But I'll get up." And he was like, "No... you go ahead & sleep. We can just chill here @ the spot. I want you to relax this weekend, so you just sleep as long as you want." *big smile* Which would have technically ended the night, but... I caught a friggin' charlie horse (cramp) in my right leg... which then moved to my foot, which then my left leg caught the cramp & I was basically almost in tears from that *ish. He's runnin' around like crazy trying to throw hot towels in the sink to put on my legs... running down to the jacuzzi to see if it was empty so we could get in there & let the hot water soothe out the cramps, to back to the room to run some steaming hot bath water for me to soak my legs in. Grrrr.... I used to get them after one of my track meets or after working out. I haven't had one in a hot minute, so... leave it to that weekend for me to get them. I ended up scarfing down a gang of mustard to get that *ish to stop. Don't ask me what mustard does. I just know my Mom sleeps w/ mustard by her bed for when she catches the cramp during the night. Prior to the Cali trip, I was laughing at the mustard bit. But *ish... after scarfing down a gang of grey poupon (my favorite; thankfully I love mustard)... that cramping stopped. Yeah, welcome to Cali, huh? lol.
Day 2, we went & had breakfast at the hotel. Wasn't really feelin' it & left to go eat elsewhere. Hung out a bit during the day and decided to chill & watch some football until later. We were going to a comedy show & Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles. The comedy show was nice. There were like 10 comedians. There was a middle eastern guy who was up there talking about how after 9-11 there are a few things that could never again be. Like, how there will never again be a middle eastern pilot. He was acting like he was a pilot talking over the intercom & *ish and was like, "Good Everyone & welcome to United flight 695, with service to Houston. I am your pilot, Hamid Abdul Muhammad & will be in charge of this flight, along w/ our co-pilot, John Sampson. This will be my last flight, as I'll be retiring, however I hope to make it a memorable one. Should you need anything, please feel free to notify our in-flight crew. The estimated flight time is 2 hrs. & 36 minutes. We're looking at clear skies, a smooth ride & an on time arrival. Welcome aboard." And then started singing this middle eastern song & *ish. Sadly, I was nodding my head in agreement, that I'd have had to hop off that dayum flight. But I was rollin'. Then some other cat got up there & was talkin' about folks sayin' hip hop is dead. He said, hip hop isn't dead. It's alive & kickin'. But what's dead is TV! He was talkin' about Flavor of Love & I was screaming. It's waited too long to blog to remember all of those jokes, but the first thing he said was... "How do you go on a television show & compete for a prize and there's NO PRIZE!?" (As in Flava Flav not being a prize for anyone). And although I'm cool w/ Mercedes (aka Prancer), I just had to nod my head in agreement w/ this comedian. I was literally screaming at 1/2 the *ish he was saying, cause his azz was THAT funny! A chick in the audience was went to throw her head back from laughing so hard, her hair landed in the candle on the table behind her & well... homegirls head was on fire! I could smell something burning, as she was only a table away, but couldn't figure out what was burning. Too bad the host of the show was standing in the back of our section & saw that *ish , so you KNOW he came up & made an announcement and was crackin' jokes & *ish. I know she was mad about that. She came in with a half down her back weave & left with a shoulder length one. *smh* Good times, though. After dinner & the show, he asked if I wanted to hit the club or a movie. I chose the later, as the club scene isn't really my thing, these days. But, as this was the Denver/Compton fight night, we never made it. *smh*
Day 3, we hung out early in the day, I packed & we went to see my girlfriend Nabs. It was such a treat to see her. She's such a cutie patootie. We left there & went to try to find this sushi spot that's supposed to be the bomb, but we couldn't. So... to the airport it was, as... it was time for me to leave. Sealed that trip w/ a kiss and thus ended the Cali trip. (I may place a pic of him up on the Vixen side).
But... in more important news. I've got a new gig! FINALLY!! Not that I haven't been working, cause I have. But y'all know, I had been doing the contract thing for a minute now. And although there are some benefits to working contract, I was OVER that *ish. So... I decided to get focused and bat down. Went on three interviews. Two full-time, one part-time. And basically got all (3) gigs. I say basically, because I already accepted an offer on one (and the PT gig offer, I accepted, as well) & I'm just waiting to hear what the offer is from the 2nd FT one. Both are in my field and both are great opportunities. However, I seriously doubt I'll be swaying from where I'm at, now. Although my new boss knows that the 2nd one is still in the offering process. But y'all, I'm just grateful for the blessings God is pouring out on me. I knew it was coming, because He had placed a calmness over me that I hadn't experienced in over a year. And... I'm just geeked. Cause this market/ economy is NOTHING to play with. But in spite of it all, I ended up with some GREAT opportunities. My laptop was ordered & should be here next week (my laptop bag already arrived), I'll be traveling back & forth to Los Angeles, San Diego & AZ in two weeks (for four weeks), my blackberry was ordered (it's weird, tho, as we only get our blackberry's when we travel) & my business cards will be ordered shortly. My boss is hella fabulous, which I'd take a fabulous boss over any other perk ANYDAY! And I have NO complaints. So for those of you who endured the up & down roller coaster ride of emotions with me, THANK YOU!
I also ended up having to go back to the doctor for the foot rash. Grrrr... My face started swelling again this week so... to the doctor I went. I switched PCP's (Primary Care Physician) and she referred me to a dermatologist (finally got what I needed to begin with). I saw the dermatologist yesterday (she's friggin' adorable) & she says I have some sort of eczema. *relief* She scraped my foot to check for fungus. Didn't find any. But the anti-fungal cream (prescription strength) would have healed that. So... she put me on a strong azz steroid cream & I go back to see her in (3) weeks. She told me I can stop stressin' now. Which, I'm tryin to do... but as a result of me not sleeping too much last night, I know I STILL am. Grrr... But, she was just too adorable.
Anyhoo... life is great. Enjoy your day. And remember... "I can see Russia from my house!" *smdh*
~BK
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Un-Motivated...
Well... I thought I wanted to write a new blog (finally). However... I just changed my mind (for the 5th time). Grrr... I've got lots to say, yet I am lacking the urge to actually put forth the effort. *sigh* Maybe later.
~BK
~BK
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